Self-deception and Denial

None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. Being deceived, especially by our own selves, is a terrible and scary thing, and thus God said, "But I am afraid that, as the serpent deceived Eve by his craftiness, your minds will be led astray from the simplicity and purity of devotion to Christ." (1 Cor 11:3)

Following God is actually simple, but it requires the purity of devotion, and in order to do that, we have to be honest with ourselves first. Can I say that spending my time playing beer pong is really something I could offer as a gift or devotion to God? If I'm honest, nope. Cut away the fluff that Satan uses to confuse us and look at the foundation. If it's beneficial, do it. If not, replace it with something that is.

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Denial is man's worst enemy but often his most constant companion. Sometimes we have to get caught doing something bad before we admit it and fix it. I kind of mentioned yesterday that I can have issues with gentleness (makes it tough to be a gentleman), which reveals something about me. God puts it this way,

"Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness." (Gal 6:1)

When my attitude is, "I'm going to put you in your place," it shows that my focus is worldly and not spiritual. I'm working hard to be gentle at every chance, and to say instead, "Man, Satan's a tough enemy, so let's team up and take him on and beat this! Winners, not sinners!"

What is a good man?

Humanity has a horrible track record of determining what a "good person" looks like. In Athens, pederasty was a common practice, and those who practiced it were thought of as good and even noble for having sexual relationships with adolescent males. What a "good" person looks like to us varies with time, culture, and even emotional attachment. How often have you seen a friend with a total loser but, being "in love," they declare his "goodness/potential/etc?"

The mistake we make seems annoying at worst, but it's more subtle and scary than that: when we compare ourselves to other people to see how good we're doing spiritually, it gives us a picture which is totally wrong and useless. As 2 Cor 10:2 says, "For we are not bold to class or compare ourselves with some of those who commend themselves; but when they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are without understanding."

Measure yourself against the Word, not against what humanity or your feelings label as good. smile emoticon

Judgment is a tough subject.

Judgement is a tough subject. We are told not to judge according to appearance, but with righteous judgment. (John 7)

There is certainly a difference between judgment unto condemnation and judgment unto salvation. One is borne of the flesh, and the other of love and the Spirit. And so we should remember,

"My brethren, if any among you strays from the truth and one turns him back, let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins." (James 5)

Rebuke!

Although I've never felt that I could accept pay to preach, and generally need and desire to learn so much more, I can't help but share the Word when I get a chance. Even though it's a passion, I still sometimes find it difficult. 2 Tim 2:2 says, "Preach the word! Be ready in season and out of season. Convince, rebuke, exhort, with all longsuffering and teaching."

The hardest part for me is rebuking people. I don't like it, and I often feel like it comes across as unloving sniper-fire at someone else. However, I realized recently that "rebuke" is coupled with "all longsuffering and teaching." Instead of saying, "you nigh-vagrant almost-drunkard," I should say, "Ah ha! What foul yet common malady causes thy spiritual malaise? Stand fast! It can take a while to cure, but Christ in us will totally help us slay this foul knave of great alcohol imbibement!"

Ok, so maybe a little less "bolde knights of olde," (scribes seriously had too many leftover Es to work with) but the point is that a rebuke in a vacuum can't accomplish as much as a rebuke where you WORK WITH someone to help them achieve their potential!

Sleeping dogs.

Do you ever see a Christian doing something that's spiritually damaging to themselves and others, but saying anything seems tough? Often it's honestly easier to just leave your brother or sister alone and not go through confrontation, because it'll all come out in the wash, anyway, right?

Although it's tough to hear, such inaction is one of the reasons Israel fell. "His watchmen are blind, they are all ignorant; they are all dumb dogs, they cannot bark; sleeping, lying down, loving to slumber." (Is 56:10) Often we fear the unknown, and the conflict inherent with addressing sin has unknown outcomes: will he/she hate me? Will I be loving enough? What would I want for me?

REMEMBER, even though it's tough, "He who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins." Make sure your motives are love and kindness, not just condemnation and outrage, because "the kindness of God leads you to repentance." (James 5:20; Rom 2:4)

Winning hearts and minds.

 A lot of wargames (like Axis and Allies) are fun when you totally stomp the enemies. A recent wargame about Vietnam has a feature that's a lot different than most, because it requires you to win "hearts and minds" in order to ever actually win. Basically, it teaches the player about converting the enemy into an ally. God says beautifully,

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit." (Pro 18:21)

We need to realize that our goal is to win hearts and minds—or rather, souls. While we have a "take-no-prisoners" attitude with Satan, we do take those he has as prisoner and help free them from his bondage. Winning souls requires that we win hearts and minds, because people don't care how much we know until they know how much we care.

(PS-This is, I think, my hardest struggle.)

An unbeatable sin?

Ever had a sin that was SUPER tough to beat, maybe UNBEATABLE? Wait! Even though Goliath was MUCH bigger, more imposing, and super tough, David did not concoct some "special Goliath plan." To do so would actually be to honor the enemy. Nope! All sins are to be understood and processed through David's simple logic with Goliath: Dishonor to God. Affront to God. It must die; cut its head off.

Don't elevate sin's power by making is some super-special thing. God says it's nothing but what's common to man, and He provides a way of escape. When stuff is really clobbering us, we want to make excuses not to fight it, just like people would try to not fight Goliath. "It's too hard to beat. I'm not ready. I don't have the tools."

Don't do that. Knocking out the big ones does something special. You see, after David lopped Goliath's head off, "the Philistines saw that their champion was dead and they fled." (1 Sam 17) So take on that Hulk of a sin in your life and realize how empowered that conquering it will make you! Knock out the big ones and the rest will start toppling like dominoes.

What do you want on your gravestone?

What do you want on your gravestone?

I'd like mine to have the words that God used to describe David, saying, "For David, after he had served the purpose of God in his own generation, fell asleep, and was laid among his fathers and underwent decay." (Acts 13:36)

Every moment of every day is an opportunity to make that dream a reality, but there is one caveat: it can only be accomplished out of desire, not out of compulsion.

Depressed because of a dark world?

Have you ever seen people reveling and enjoying sin and just felt like it was too sad to witness? Has it caused your soul anguish? Perhaps loved ones, even? Habakkuk was surrounded by evil and it didn't seem to him that God was doing anything about it.

"How long, O LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen? Or cry out to you, "Violence!" but you do not save? Why do you make me look at injustice? Why do you tolerate wrong? Destruction and violence are before me; there is strife, and conflict abounds. Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails. The wicked hem in the righteous, so that justice is perverted." (1:2-4)

We can feel like this. Take ISIS. Horrible. Yet because of that evil, many are reporting that more Muslims are converting to Christianity now than in the past 14 centuries. God's will, as He told Habakkuk, IS being accomplished. Don't be dismayed, and don't be overtaken by shock and awe. Sometimes evil does surround us, but as General Chesty Puller said, "That simplifies the problem." And it makes our opportunities for good that much greater in number.

When we make light of sin.

When we make light of sin ("But a little [insert sin type here] won't hurt..."), we make light of Satan. Jude 9 says, " But Michael the archangel, when he disputed with the devil and argued about the body of Moses, did not dare pronounce against him a railing judgment, but said, “The Lord rebuke you!”

Satan's a powerful, supernatural evil. Take sin, and thus Satan, seriously and with a sober mind.

Who you really are.

 For this very moment push all your notions of who you are in your own mind out of your head. Look at everything you've done and will do from an outside point of view, with no biases—just your actions and words, the fruit of your life. You're now starting to look into a mirror that reflects not your physical body, but your character and spirit. We're not through yet—we have to know the point of view from which we're looking. Let's read James 1:

"For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his natural face in a mirror; for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was. But one who looks intently at the perfect law, the law of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man will be blessed in what he does." (23-25)

Look at everything again. Assess all those actions, the good and the bad—teaching people the gospel, getting black-out drunk—against the Mirror of the Word. Keep it in your mind; don't forget. That is who you are. What changes do you need to make, not from your own perspective, but from the perspective of that outside observer, and that mirror—from the perspective of God?

Peer pressure.

Barnabas was a good man according to God, but sometimes our greatest strengths can be our greatest weaknesses. Are you tender-hearted? People may take advantage of you. Are you tough as nails? You may drive people away with your aggressiveness. Galatians 2:11 says,

"But when Cephas came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face, because he stood condemned. For prior to the coming of certain men from James, he used to eat with the Gentiles; but when they came, he began to withdraw and hold himself aloof, fearing the party of the circumcision. The rest of the Jews joined him in hypocrisy, with the result that EVEN BARNABAS was carried away by their hypocrisy."

A lesson learned here is that peer pressure is powerful, and Satan makes terrifyingly good use of it. Sometimes to help us overcome peer pressure, we need our spiritual battle buddies to give us some tough love. Make sure you're willing to receive a little stern love, and not too proud to admit that you're wrong. (I have to a lot. wink emoticon )

Love is a verb. Love is a doing word.

"Teardrop," a rather pretty song, starts off saying, "Love, love is a verb, Love is a doing word." It seems that we can all understand that in relationships, loving words with no actions backing them up amount to...nothing. They are useless. Somehow, though, in our relationships with God, we often think of it as a one-way street, where God works in our lives, but we MUST NEVER MENTION working in our returned love.

James 2 explains [in part] that our faith, and thus our love for God, is a "doing word," saying, "What use is it, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but he has no works? Can that faith save him?....But are you willing to recognize, you foolish fellow, that faith without works is useless? For just as the body without the spirit is dead, so also faith without works is dead."

Working to serve God shouldn't be under compulsion, but out of impulsion. Our love and our faith must be doing words. I'm working to be a doer, because I want the most important relationship in my life—that of me and my Creator—to be the healthiest, most life-filled, most useful one I have.

"See the young man sittin' in the old man's bar, waitin' for his turn to die."

"See the young man sittin' in the old man's bar, waitin' for his turn to die." That's a line from the Goo Goo Dolls' song, "Broadway," and I think it's ultimately tragic, because it's ultimately true. Millions and millions are living their lives with just one ultimate goal: death, decay; dust. It is sadly true when God says,

"For the living know that they will die, but the dead know nothing, and they have no more reward, for the memory of them is forgotten. Their love and their hate and their envy have already perished, and forever they have no more share in all that is done under the sun." (Eccl 9:5-6)

As Christians, we need to see the plight of those who, though they are sad for the moment in grief over a lost loved one, or happy drinking and partying with friends, are really simply waiting for their turn to die. We need to get out of our comfort zones and show them the spiritual reality behind this physical facade because, "the word of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God." (1 Cor 1:18)

Having a hard time growing spiritually?

Let's talk about your love language. You became a Christian...but...you keep going back to the same behaviors. Your life isn't changing like you expected. You're the same person. Your drinking, lying, all the old self—it's still there! The new creation that God says has come seems missing in action. But have you learned a new language?

The best way to learn a new language is to be immersed in it, to have it around you all the time. Many people become Christians, but then they keep all their old friends and habits. Their friends are still out drinking, so they stick with that environment. Early Christians were successful in seeing the new creation because they lived it—with each other. They learned a new language by cultural immersion. If you're having trouble, follow this example:

"Day by day continuing with one mind in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, they were taking their meals together with gladness and sincerity of heart." (Acts 2:46)

Coefficient of Spiritual Friction

 Have you ever, in your heart of hearts, felt like you should be out making new Christians? Felt like your Christian life is going nowhere, but you know that it can reach the stars? Felt like you just can't get it moving for some reason?

Ever tried to push some heavy object across a floor—a box, a fridge, or somethin'—and it doesn't budge at first, but then all of a sudden it's like something releases and it moves forward with very little exertion on your part? In physics, that's called the coefficient of friction. A certain amount of force has to be applied before the object being pushed seems to "unlatch" and move forward.

The same is true with our spiritual lives. Jesus said, "Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men." (Mt 4:19) Once we apply enough pressure to get your spiritual shows on the road, THEN we can start being fishers of men and seeing results. And you want to know what's awesome about applying that pressure to get it moving? You've got plenty of brothers and sisters ready to help you push forward! Go for it!

A Deadly Road and Lessons from Esther

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A friend of mine posted a great sermon on her profile, but it reminded me—evil is becoming more prevalent than ever. The world is persuasive, man! It does not want us to be Christians who follow the adage, "See something, say something!" Instead, it wants us to be quiet. And when we're quiet, it says, "Here, partake of this very minor sin, just so that your friends can feel comfortable around you. Don't be a prude. It'll be hard to bring Christ to them if you don't fit in a little better."

Maybe it's something small. We'll just go to the bar with them so they have someone responsible around. And then it's "just one beer since now we're at the bonfire and that's all there is—but I'll refocus the conversation spiritually."  The more we engage in drinking, the more they laugh and seem to appreciate us, so we have more opportunities to talk about God, right? If we're not careful, we can keep going down that road, slowly adding on some more minor sins, slowly missing the mark more and more often, but it all seems so easy and good!  CS Lewis wrote,

"Indeed the safest road to Hell is the gradual one--the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts..."

Maybe we're taking that road. One beer with friends becomes two, two becomes four, and so on. Not really that bad. We have some nice weekend parties, but slowly it's less about Christ. Someone from the assembly of the saints maybe mentions noticing us drinking a lot in pictures, and we get our hair raised on our backs—they don't know us! They can't put us under Law! Suddenly, it seems the assemblies aren't a place where we can share our whole lives, because there's so much judgement. Instead, it's a little nicer to spend more time with those who aren't Christians, where we can let loose a little, where it's easy to fit in.

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Later on in our walk, we get very upset with people and don't want them prying into our business. Someone says, "I noticed you've been partying a lot, and just wanted to let you know that we have other activities you can join in! We love you and it'd be awesome to have you hanging out with us more. Really miss seeing your face! You're such an asset!"  That incites us to anger!  We launch a tirade explaining that a little partying isn't so bad, our friends are AWESOME and loving! "What we do is NONE of your business, leave us alone! The people I hang out with are so affectionate and accepting! You don't know about us!" 

And so we have started the transformation away from an ambassador to the world, and into a member of it. Slowly we are becoming those who, "although they know the ordinance of God, that those who practice such things are worthy of death, they not only do the same, but also give hearty approval to those who practice them." (Romans 1:32)  

That easy, downhill road is one that leads to a malignant spiritual transformation. When we are warned and launch into tirades against those who try and gently help us back onto the right path, it's a warning light on our spiritual dashboard. It says to us that we are starting to look like those Jesus discussed in John 3:19-21, where He said,  

"This is the judgment, that the Light has come into the world, and men loved the darkness rather than the Light, for their deeds were evil. For everyone who does evil hates the Light, and does not come to the Light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But he who practices the truth comes to the Light, so that his deeds may be manifested as having been wrought in God.”

The danger of keeping quiet is real. The less we're involved in the spiritual war, the less we care. The less we're helping others, the more we're focused on ourselves, which leads to selfishness and sin, and the more we sin, the more we want to keep our brothers and sisters out of our spiritual lives. It usually doesn't happen all at once, being just an incident here and there, but it almost always starts with a lack of action toward doing good, and thus not being those who "practice the truth and come to the light, so that our deeds can manifested as having been wrought in God."

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Esther 4 presents an awesome lesson for us which doesn't seem related at first: 

"Then Mordecai told them to reply to Esther, “Do not imagine that you in the king’s palace can escape any more than all the Jews.  For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance will arise for the Jews from another place and you and your father’s house will perish. And who knows whether you have not attained royalty for such a time as this?”

What can we learn from Esther?

1.) "Do NOT think...in the king's palace you will escape any more than all the other Jews” 

I’M SAFE!  We can't be complacent. This is not someone else's fight. We can't be complacent in our salvation. We have to keep engaged and not lose the picture.

2.)  “Do NOT think...” “For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father's house will perish."

 I’LL KEEP SILENT!  If we see something, we need to say something. Now don't get me wrong, I don't mean we need to come down with the Hammer of Truth and smash people. If we see an opportunity, we need to speak love, reason, and victory in Jesus. But we CANNOT keep silent and say, "It's someone else's responsibility." And this goes among our brothers and sisters, too, if they are going astray. We need to gently help them overcome.

3.) “Do NOT think...” “And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?” 

IT’S SOMEBODY ELSE’S PROBLEM!  No! It is OUR fight! Every time we have an opportunity is an opportunity for which we have personal responsibility to serve our Lord! 

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Overall, we can say that complacency kills. Giving in kills. Keeping silent kills. Every time we have an opportunity to help the Kingdom, we need to take it. It's not for someone else, and to refuse responsibility endangers us.   We also have the responsibility to stop ourselves from silently slipping below the surface and succumbing. That responsibility is not just to ourselves, but to the entire Kingdom. The Kingdom is a family, and giving in to sin is spiritual suicide.  Like suicide, it hurts the entire family. Worse, when we give in, we tend to lash out at our brothers and sisters when they notice, because we don't want the things we're hiding in the dark being exposed.

Let's pray ceaselessly that we always have boldness to take action and to be able to read John 3:21, which says, "But he who practices the truth comes to the Light, so that his deeds may be manifested as having been wrought in God,” and say, 

"Yes, Father, that is who I am, in word and deed, in Spirit and in truth." 

Who should Christians marry?

-----------A Variety of Options-----------

For THEIR work:  As I've grown as a young Christian man, the joy has been great, but there has also been a mix of creeping horror and sadness growing inside me. When I was less like Christ, who I dated didn't matter to me—atheist, lukewarm, whatever.  All I cared about was how much spark there was. And now that I want to date a Christian, I see that many are taken by non-Christians, as I used to be, and it is scary.

God says, "Two are better than one because they have a good return for THEIR labor." (Eccl 4:9)  Notice that this is a mutual labor toward a common goal—both working for God. When we pick non-Christian mates, Satan knows that Ecclesiastes 4:9 is no longer such a threat to him. Don't pick a non-Christian mate and deprive another Christian of the blessing that you are in Christ. Don't let Satan fracture the church at our most intimate level. 

Marriage most closely resembles the relationship between Christ and the church. Let your marriage here be resemble that, too. Pick a Christian. 




Things that settle drift to the bottom: I used to be happy dating non-Christians because God says, "Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." (Proverbs 27:17) Iron which is sharpened is having itself changed at a fundamental level, and I was a Christian with bad habits that I didn't want to give up. Picking people of the world, I knew that I didn't have to worry about being sharpened and changed.

Pick solid, Christian partners, and embrace the change that we make in one another. Let yourself be sharpened, the rust of the world shaved off. Become a better weapon for Christ in the fight against Satan.

(Things that settle tend to slowly drift downward toward the bottom. Don't settle for anything less than excelling still more.)

Satan’s offer that you can refuse: Satan offers us boyfriends and girlfriends that fulfill all of our fleshly desires.  I once knew this girl who meant the world to me; my heart beat faster every time we talked, and I wanted nothing more than to feel the comfort of holding her in my arms. She wanted to marry me, too.  I studied the Bible with her for three years, and she never believed.  I always said no to dating her, and it was always painful.

I knew that this girl would make me happy—Satan knew that, too. But she would not make me happy and holy. We would never build the Kingdom together, and I'd not get to spend eternity with her. I said no to something which would make me happy, but hobble me spiritually, because God promises,

"House and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the LORD." (Pro 19:14) Satan offers us something eternally and infinitely inferior to what God can give. Will you wait and trust God, or go for Satan's tempting offer? 

What’s more beneficial? God challenges the church not to simply ask, "Is it okay?" but instead to ask, "Is it beneficial?" (1 Cor. 10:23). What is more beneficial to His Kingdom and the souls that are lost in need of saving: marrying a Christian, and giving him or her the benefit of all that you have to offer in Christ, or marrying a non-Christian, and having your talent wasted?

What is more beneficial: a spouse who will help you raise your children to believe in God, or one who won't? One who will bring people into your home and study the Bible with them, or one who won't? The knowledge that you'll spend eternity together, or knowing that one of you will forever be with Satan?

-----------New Testament Instruction-----------

It’s about marriage and more: 2 Cor 6:14 says, "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers." Some will say, "God doesn't care about who you marry, because this doesn't say, 'don't marry unbelievers!'"  It's true that it doesn't say "marry," but that's because it's broader and more inclusive. Being yoked can happen emotionally before we know it—look at all the unmarried, live-in Christians. It includes marriage and more, and can be read as:

-Do not enter into inconsistent relations with those who reject the faith

-Avoid unsuitable connections with unbelievers

-Stop forming intimate and inconsistent relations with non-Christians

It's not about only marriage; it's about marriage and more.

But I love this person: As Christians, we're totally down with a lot of what God says.  "Don't murder, yep, I avoid that pretty well!" Other things, though, we try to ignore. One of them is 2 Cor 6, which says, "DO NOT be unequally yoked with unbelievers...what fellowship has light with darkness?"

We look at the non-Christian that we're falling for and say, "But I love this person," while ignoring God saying, "Do not be deceived: "Bad company corrupts good morals." (1 Cor 15:33) Can you imagine Christ being bound to Satan? We have Christ in us, so why would we make that choice? Don't let your feelings overpower your love of God. Binding yourself to a non-Christian doesn't show love, it shows a disregard for God, and a casual disregard for that person's eternity.

Spend your time making new Christians and put the romantic feelings on the back burner. It'll let you experience true romance with someone in Christ in the future.

Take all the couples: Take all the Christian couples you know, and imagine life if only one from each couple were a Christian. What would the church look like?  God sent the animals into the ark two-by-two, male and female (Gen 7:9).  Jesus sent out the first disciples in twos (Mark 6:7).  

Satan offers us non-Christians so that we will never be "two-by-two." He is a master at dividing and conquering. Don't let him, because it's an offer you CAN refuse.

Don’t! "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers," covers a lot more ground than just marriage. Consider some other ‘do not' passages found in the New Testament:

Matt 4:7 - Jesus answered him, "It is also written: 'Do not put the Lord your God to the test.'

Matt 6:2 - "So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets..."

Rom 6:11-13 - "Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. 13 Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness..."

Let's answer a few questions. Is it OK to put the Lord to the test? Is it OK to announce our giving with trumpets? Is it OK to let sin reign in our mortal body? The unequivocal answer to all of these questions is a resounding NO! Why then would we believe it is OK to be unequally yoked to an unbeliever? It is not. We do ourselves a grave disservice when we kick against the goads, when we contravene a direct command of the scriptures. And in doing so, we harm ourselves and those around us.

Do you agree? In 1 Cor 6:14, Paul gives the example of a believer having sexual relations with a prostitute. The resulting union joins Christ to a prostitute. Likewise, the joining of a Christian and a non-Christian joins Christ to an unbeliever.

"Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take away the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? May it never be!"

God says, "May it never be!" Do you agree with Him?

Run the race. Hebrews 12:1 says, "let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us."

Christianity is a race, and we are blessed with the opportunity to run it with a partner. It's very important to pick it with a partner that's running toward the same finish line. If we choose a partner who is not Christian, we ignore God who said in Eph 5:7, "Therefore do not be partners with them. For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord." 

Pick your partner in this race wisely, that you may be united in Christ, and that there "be no divisions among you, but that you be united in the same mind and the same judgment." (1 Cor 1:10)

But what if… Since God says for Christians to stay married to non-Christians (1 Cor 7:12-16), does that mean He doesn't mind if we marry them?*  As it turns out, that section of 1 Cor 7 is fundamentally unable, by itself, to answer the above question. Why?

-The QUESTION addresses an unmarried Christian who is single and has the option to marry; 

-Whereas 1 Cor 7:12-16 discusses the recently-converted Christian whose spouse has not yet obeyed God, in which case God says, "Wait, don't divorce and remarry. You believed, so give your spouse a reason to believe, too, and try and win them. They may soon follow you to Christ!" 

*Note: If the non-Christians leaves, we're told to move on since we're, "not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace."

Be holy! Over and over in the New Testament, we are enjoined to "be holy."  Holiness in this context means separation from the world. We have a different standard that governs all of our relationships, but especially that of marriage. Consider Paul's direction to widows:

"A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord." (1 Cor 7:39)

This is neither encouragement nor suggestion, but an easily understood command. "...he must belong to the Lord."  Disciples marry disciples. Also, since the purpose of dating is to find a lifelong soul mate (it shouldn't be just to avoid boredom or have a face to suck on), it only follows that Christians date Christians only.

This right we have. "Do we not have the right to take along a believing wife, as do the other apostles and the brothers of the Lord and Cephas?" (1 Cor 9:5)

Who did God give Paul and others the right to marry—other believers. Can you imagine an apostle preaching great messages, and then going to a pagan celebration and picking a pagan wife? How about us? What if I taught at family camp, and then went to a bar and picked up a hot bartender(ess?)? As God says, "May it never be!"

-----------Spiritually Destroying Families and Children-----------

A shared goal. Why would you want to date someone where it could lead to marriage—the closest human relationship you could ever have, when Jesus, who is closest to you personally, they don’t share with you? If your goal was to travel to New York, would you get on a train going to Chicago? It's much the same with dating: why get on a relationship not traveling toward God?

God said believers would be divided from those who didn't even in families, and it is the same for romance: "For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person's enemies will be those of his own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me." (Mt 10:35-37)

Helping your children. Where do you want your kids to end up? This is an incredibly important aspect in dating, which leads to marriage. In Mark 9, God says that if we cause little children to stumble in their belief, that it would be better for us to be drowned in the ocean. With that in mind, what do you think that picking a spouse who does believe in God does to a kid? Consider these government statistics:

-If the mother is the first to become a Christian in a household, there is a 17% probability that everyone in the household will follow.

-If the father is the first to become a Christian in a household, there is a 93% probability that everyone in the household will follow.

Would you want your boyfriend of girlfriend to cause a child who believes to stumble? How much less so your spouse?

Some other stats:

If mother and father attend assembly/"church" regularly:

33% of their children will end up attending church regularly

25% of their children will end up not attending at all

If mother attends church regularly. Father does not attend church at all:

2% of their children will end up attending church regularly

60% of their children will end up not attending at all

If father attends church regularly. Mother does not attend church at all:

44% of their children will end up attending church regularly

34% of their children will end up not attending at all

Don’t cause people to stumble! We're told not to make little kids or those new in Christ stumble. We're also told to not be partnered with unbelievers. That's easy to understand. Consider the following:

-If a little kid sees me preaching on Sunday, but drunk with friends in a facebook post, could that cause him to stumble?

-If a youngin' sees me as a leader in Christ, but also sees that I've got a girlfriend who isn't a Christian, could that cause him to stumble? What if he sees that I give in to her worldly proclivities and get drunk with her and stuff?

How can we give our children the best shot they can hope for at eternal life?

-----------Understanding the Threat Using the Old Testament-----------

Better than Ezra? Since the Old Testament contains a shadow of the spiritual reality for us today, it provides us a pattern to help us understand marriage between those in Christ and those not; in fact, it is actually pretty direct about marrying unbelievers. Ezra 10 specifically forbids God's people from marrying "foreign wives," and considered it unfaithfulness to God:

"Then Ezra the priest stood up and said to them, "You have been unfaithful; you have married foreign women, adding to Israel's guilt. Now make confession to the LORD, the God of your fathers, and do his will. Separate yourselves from the peoples around you and from your foreign wives."  (v10-11)

Wisdom of Nehemiah.  Among Nehemiah's various reforms, the Israelites set this down as a binding agreement:  "We promise not to give our daughters in marriage to the peoples around us or take their daughters for our sons."  Later in the rebuilding, when Nehemiah became aware of specific cases of intermarriage, he had this to say:

"Was it not because of marriages like these that Solomon king of Israel sinned? Among the many nations there was no king like him. He was loved by his God, and God made him king over all Israel, but even he was led into sin by foreign women. Must we hear now that you too are doing all this terrible wickedness and are being unfaithful to our God by marrying foreign women?"  (Nehemiah 13:23-27)

God considered it unfaithfulness and wickedness to take those who were not part of His people as spouses. Would it be wise to do it today? Would it be beneficial to the Kingdom?

God has always been serious. Numbers 25 tells us that Israel caused great damage by taking on companions who weren't of God. In part it says, 

"The Lord was angry against Israel. The Lord said to Moses, “Take all the leaders of the people and execute them in broad daylight before the Lord, so that the fierce anger of the Lord may turn away from Israel.”  So Moses said to the judges of Israel, “Each of you slay his men who have joined themselves to Baal of Peor.”

In the end, 24,000 of God's people died for partnering with unbelievers. This issue can destroy the church in one generation, yet it is socially acceptable and goes unnoticed.  Do you understand why God has always treated it seriously?

Close to our hearts. Satan wants to be as close to our heart as he can, so that he can corrupt it so it.  What is closer to your heart than your romantic partner? And that's why  the general tone of scripture from Genesis to Revelation has been against those of God marrying or otherwise partnering with those not of Him (OT examples: Genesis 6:2; 24:3; 26:34-35; 28:1; Exodus 34:11-16; Deuteronomy 7:1-5; Judges 14:1-3; 1 Kings 11, etc.).

Physical Israel had a pattern of taking non-believers as companions and, afterward, suffering death, exile, and destruction. Even Solomon, the wisest of men, was led astray and fell due to picking spouses not of God. Don't make that mistake.

-----------Will You Be Wise Or Foolish?-----------

The Kingdom Proton. In the sermon on the mount, Jesus admonished his disciples to put the kingdom of Christ “first” (proton) in their lives. The adverb suggests that the interests of the Lord should be “above all” else. Can anyone honestly contend that the child of God who unites himself with the unbeliever in the most intimate of all human relationships is granting the reign of Christ the most exalted place in his or her life?

If you are still blessed enough to have the option to get out of a dating relationship with a non-Christian, would you take it? What would please God? What puts the Kingdom first? And lastly, don't you have enough faith to trust that He will give you a companion who makes you just as happy as your non-Christian one, but with great spiritual blessings? If you aren't married yet, find yourself a person who will bring you closer to God, who will help you please God.

Jesus said, “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few. Therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest." There is so much work to be done. Pray for a helper in it, just like Jesus did.

As for me and my house. In Joshua 24:15 there is a beautiful message:

"And if it is evil in your eyes to serve the LORD, choose this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your fathers served [in other places]...But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.”

Imagine how much less powerful that verse would be if it said, "But as for me, and....no one else in my house, I am the only one will serve the Lord." So many Christian families these days cannot say that their house will serve the Lord, and it's very often a deliberate choice they make to marry those who will not, which later on ends up with kids who do not believe.  Choose to build the strongest family you can!

Emotions over all?  Being in love is an insane feeling—your heart is head-over-heels for someone. But God warns, ""Above all else, guard your heart, for from it flow the springs of life." (Proverbs 4:23) Have you ever met that non-Christian that you just fall for—he or she is just ALL that, emotionally, physically...not a Christian, but EVERYTHING else is perfect?

I have. I don't think there is ANY greater temptation. To me, that person has SO MUCH potential! I want to start the relationship NOW so that I don't miss any time feeling that love. But God tells me not to, and it isn't a big shocker that Satan wants us to fall for those who SEEM like they can be the best ever to us, "and no wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light." (2 Cor 11:14)

Work ceaselessly to make those who aren't in Christ a part of the Kingdom, but don't be tricked by your emotions. Guard your heart (emotions). Give if to other Christians, not to someone who you hope will maybe, one day, become one.

Getting out of a relationship. Sometimes Christians recognize that they're in spiritually poisonous relationships, and they think "I need to get out!" But often, it drags out over months with lots of tears and confusion. They've become emotionally attached, so it's hard to leave. They get guilt-tripped to stay. Let's look at how Jesus handled a poisonous relationship with Judas:

"As soon as Judas took the bread, Satan entered into him. So Jesus told him, "What you are about to do, do quickly." (John 13:27)

Jesus saw that the relationship would not improve, so He pushed to have it end quickly. We should do the same. Like setting a broken bone, it shouldn't be dragged out over months, but rather done quickly and decisively. Only then can the healing process begin.

Sleeping around. I need to say something about sleeping around.  Take two pieces of duct tape and press the sticky faces together. Trying to pull them back apart is nearly impossible, and causes damage to the pieces. However, if you take another two pieces of tape and stick them to a chair, the floor, etc., the glued side will soon be covered with junk.  If you press those pieces together, they might stick, but it will be easy to separate them again.

The same thing happens when a person has lots of sex outside of marriage. He makes bonds physically, emotionally, and spiritually with another person, but the relationship doesn’t last and the two are torn apart. The first time is often incredibly painful (lots of tears and bad feelings). This process repeats, maybe with a "rebound." They break up. The pain is there, but it is not as bad as the first time. With each succeeding relationship, the bond becomes weaker and weaker. When the person  finally doe does attempt to bond in marriage, there is so much baggage—so much junk—that it's difficult for the relationship to stick, but easy for the two partners to be torn apart.

Ideally, a man or a woman should only bond with his or her spouse. God expressed it like this: "Drink water from your own cistern and fresh water from your own well...Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth. As a loving hind and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; Be exhilarated always with her love." (Proverbs 5:15-19)

We have risen and stood upright!

With all the evil around us, it's sometimes hard not to give in. To just quit fighting it. To quit being the odd person out who gets the tough questions and funny looks. It can be tempting to embrace the world. I take solace in Psalm 20:8, which says,

"They have bowed down and fallen, But we have risen and stood upright."

Every time I think, "I could have that thing I desire so much if I just joined them," I remember that many have bowed and fallen, but God says, "Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9)

Grace does not make sin less dangerous.

Grace does not make sin less dangerous. 

In Genesis 4:7 God warned Cain, "And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must master it."  In Hebrews 3:13, He cautioned, "But encourage one another day after day, as long as it is still called "Today," so that none of you will be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin." 

Sin has the power of deception. Examine yourself against the mirror of the Word. (James 1) Look upon your inner man. Be honest. If you ignore a monster in the mirror, sin's power of deception will be your master, and it may become a nightmare from which you never wake up—the worst reality of all.