A denomination known by...what?

If you're looking at churches or denominations, you can visit them or go on wikipedia and see what it says. Often wikipedia or church websites will say stuff like, "numbering 72 million, these individuals subscribe to the doctrine that..."

Imagine, though, if you looked and the entry said, "these individuals are known by their love for one another." (John 13:35)

Imagine going to a congregation and having the takeaway that, "These people love one another! They love God!" Imagine if it came across as a caring family, and not just some religious organization or awesome band playing. That's Christ's vision, so let's make it ours!

How to smooth out a rough marriage.

How can marriages last? How can people get along for so many years? Nowadays people often get tired of each other's foibles and get divorced. I like something that God said, and I've been considering it in the context of marriage:

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." (1 Peter 4:8)

A humble spirit of appreciation showing true love through action can smooth out the roughest times of a marriage. <3

Love is a verb. Love is a doing word.

"Teardrop," a rather pretty song, starts off saying, "Love, love is a verb, Love is a doing word." It seems that we can all understand that in relationships, loving words with no actions backing them up amount to...nothing. They are useless. Somehow, though, in our relationships with God, we often think of it as a one-way street, where God works in our lives, but we MUST NEVER MENTION working in our returned love.

James 2 explains [in part] that our faith, and thus our love for God, is a "doing word," saying, "What use is it, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but he has no works? Can that faith save him?....But are you willing to recognize, you foolish fellow, that faith without works is useless? For just as the body without the spirit is dead, so also faith without works is dead."

Working to serve God shouldn't be under compulsion, but out of impulsion. Our love and our faith must be doing words. I'm working to be a doer, because I want the most important relationship in my life—that of me and my Creator—to be the healthiest, most life-filled, most useful one I have.

Who should Christians marry?

-----------A Variety of Options-----------

For THEIR work:  As I've grown as a young Christian man, the joy has been great, but there has also been a mix of creeping horror and sadness growing inside me. When I was less like Christ, who I dated didn't matter to me—atheist, lukewarm, whatever.  All I cared about was how much spark there was. And now that I want to date a Christian, I see that many are taken by non-Christians, as I used to be, and it is scary.

God says, "Two are better than one because they have a good return for THEIR labor." (Eccl 4:9)  Notice that this is a mutual labor toward a common goal—both working for God. When we pick non-Christian mates, Satan knows that Ecclesiastes 4:9 is no longer such a threat to him. Don't pick a non-Christian mate and deprive another Christian of the blessing that you are in Christ. Don't let Satan fracture the church at our most intimate level. 

Marriage most closely resembles the relationship between Christ and the church. Let your marriage here be resemble that, too. Pick a Christian. 




Things that settle drift to the bottom: I used to be happy dating non-Christians because God says, "Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." (Proverbs 27:17) Iron which is sharpened is having itself changed at a fundamental level, and I was a Christian with bad habits that I didn't want to give up. Picking people of the world, I knew that I didn't have to worry about being sharpened and changed.

Pick solid, Christian partners, and embrace the change that we make in one another. Let yourself be sharpened, the rust of the world shaved off. Become a better weapon for Christ in the fight against Satan.

(Things that settle tend to slowly drift downward toward the bottom. Don't settle for anything less than excelling still more.)

Satan’s offer that you can refuse: Satan offers us boyfriends and girlfriends that fulfill all of our fleshly desires.  I once knew this girl who meant the world to me; my heart beat faster every time we talked, and I wanted nothing more than to feel the comfort of holding her in my arms. She wanted to marry me, too.  I studied the Bible with her for three years, and she never believed.  I always said no to dating her, and it was always painful.

I knew that this girl would make me happy—Satan knew that, too. But she would not make me happy and holy. We would never build the Kingdom together, and I'd not get to spend eternity with her. I said no to something which would make me happy, but hobble me spiritually, because God promises,

"House and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the LORD." (Pro 19:14) Satan offers us something eternally and infinitely inferior to what God can give. Will you wait and trust God, or go for Satan's tempting offer? 

What’s more beneficial? God challenges the church not to simply ask, "Is it okay?" but instead to ask, "Is it beneficial?" (1 Cor. 10:23). What is more beneficial to His Kingdom and the souls that are lost in need of saving: marrying a Christian, and giving him or her the benefit of all that you have to offer in Christ, or marrying a non-Christian, and having your talent wasted?

What is more beneficial: a spouse who will help you raise your children to believe in God, or one who won't? One who will bring people into your home and study the Bible with them, or one who won't? The knowledge that you'll spend eternity together, or knowing that one of you will forever be with Satan?

-----------New Testament Instruction-----------

It’s about marriage and more: 2 Cor 6:14 says, "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers." Some will say, "God doesn't care about who you marry, because this doesn't say, 'don't marry unbelievers!'"  It's true that it doesn't say "marry," but that's because it's broader and more inclusive. Being yoked can happen emotionally before we know it—look at all the unmarried, live-in Christians. It includes marriage and more, and can be read as:

-Do not enter into inconsistent relations with those who reject the faith

-Avoid unsuitable connections with unbelievers

-Stop forming intimate and inconsistent relations with non-Christians

It's not about only marriage; it's about marriage and more.

But I love this person: As Christians, we're totally down with a lot of what God says.  "Don't murder, yep, I avoid that pretty well!" Other things, though, we try to ignore. One of them is 2 Cor 6, which says, "DO NOT be unequally yoked with unbelievers...what fellowship has light with darkness?"

We look at the non-Christian that we're falling for and say, "But I love this person," while ignoring God saying, "Do not be deceived: "Bad company corrupts good morals." (1 Cor 15:33) Can you imagine Christ being bound to Satan? We have Christ in us, so why would we make that choice? Don't let your feelings overpower your love of God. Binding yourself to a non-Christian doesn't show love, it shows a disregard for God, and a casual disregard for that person's eternity.

Spend your time making new Christians and put the romantic feelings on the back burner. It'll let you experience true romance with someone in Christ in the future.

Take all the couples: Take all the Christian couples you know, and imagine life if only one from each couple were a Christian. What would the church look like?  God sent the animals into the ark two-by-two, male and female (Gen 7:9).  Jesus sent out the first disciples in twos (Mark 6:7).  

Satan offers us non-Christians so that we will never be "two-by-two." He is a master at dividing and conquering. Don't let him, because it's an offer you CAN refuse.

Don’t! "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers," covers a lot more ground than just marriage. Consider some other ‘do not' passages found in the New Testament:

Matt 4:7 - Jesus answered him, "It is also written: 'Do not put the Lord your God to the test.'

Matt 6:2 - "So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets..."

Rom 6:11-13 - "Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. 13 Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness..."

Let's answer a few questions. Is it OK to put the Lord to the test? Is it OK to announce our giving with trumpets? Is it OK to let sin reign in our mortal body? The unequivocal answer to all of these questions is a resounding NO! Why then would we believe it is OK to be unequally yoked to an unbeliever? It is not. We do ourselves a grave disservice when we kick against the goads, when we contravene a direct command of the scriptures. And in doing so, we harm ourselves and those around us.

Do you agree? In 1 Cor 6:14, Paul gives the example of a believer having sexual relations with a prostitute. The resulting union joins Christ to a prostitute. Likewise, the joining of a Christian and a non-Christian joins Christ to an unbeliever.

"Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take away the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? May it never be!"

God says, "May it never be!" Do you agree with Him?

Run the race. Hebrews 12:1 says, "let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us."

Christianity is a race, and we are blessed with the opportunity to run it with a partner. It's very important to pick it with a partner that's running toward the same finish line. If we choose a partner who is not Christian, we ignore God who said in Eph 5:7, "Therefore do not be partners with them. For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord." 

Pick your partner in this race wisely, that you may be united in Christ, and that there "be no divisions among you, but that you be united in the same mind and the same judgment." (1 Cor 1:10)

But what if… Since God says for Christians to stay married to non-Christians (1 Cor 7:12-16), does that mean He doesn't mind if we marry them?*  As it turns out, that section of 1 Cor 7 is fundamentally unable, by itself, to answer the above question. Why?

-The QUESTION addresses an unmarried Christian who is single and has the option to marry; 

-Whereas 1 Cor 7:12-16 discusses the recently-converted Christian whose spouse has not yet obeyed God, in which case God says, "Wait, don't divorce and remarry. You believed, so give your spouse a reason to believe, too, and try and win them. They may soon follow you to Christ!" 

*Note: If the non-Christians leaves, we're told to move on since we're, "not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace."

Be holy! Over and over in the New Testament, we are enjoined to "be holy."  Holiness in this context means separation from the world. We have a different standard that governs all of our relationships, but especially that of marriage. Consider Paul's direction to widows:

"A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord." (1 Cor 7:39)

This is neither encouragement nor suggestion, but an easily understood command. "...he must belong to the Lord."  Disciples marry disciples. Also, since the purpose of dating is to find a lifelong soul mate (it shouldn't be just to avoid boredom or have a face to suck on), it only follows that Christians date Christians only.

This right we have. "Do we not have the right to take along a believing wife, as do the other apostles and the brothers of the Lord and Cephas?" (1 Cor 9:5)

Who did God give Paul and others the right to marry—other believers. Can you imagine an apostle preaching great messages, and then going to a pagan celebration and picking a pagan wife? How about us? What if I taught at family camp, and then went to a bar and picked up a hot bartender(ess?)? As God says, "May it never be!"

-----------Spiritually Destroying Families and Children-----------

A shared goal. Why would you want to date someone where it could lead to marriage—the closest human relationship you could ever have, when Jesus, who is closest to you personally, they don’t share with you? If your goal was to travel to New York, would you get on a train going to Chicago? It's much the same with dating: why get on a relationship not traveling toward God?

God said believers would be divided from those who didn't even in families, and it is the same for romance: "For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person's enemies will be those of his own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me." (Mt 10:35-37)

Helping your children. Where do you want your kids to end up? This is an incredibly important aspect in dating, which leads to marriage. In Mark 9, God says that if we cause little children to stumble in their belief, that it would be better for us to be drowned in the ocean. With that in mind, what do you think that picking a spouse who does believe in God does to a kid? Consider these government statistics:

-If the mother is the first to become a Christian in a household, there is a 17% probability that everyone in the household will follow.

-If the father is the first to become a Christian in a household, there is a 93% probability that everyone in the household will follow.

Would you want your boyfriend of girlfriend to cause a child who believes to stumble? How much less so your spouse?

Some other stats:

If mother and father attend assembly/"church" regularly:

33% of their children will end up attending church regularly

25% of their children will end up not attending at all

If mother attends church regularly. Father does not attend church at all:

2% of their children will end up attending church regularly

60% of their children will end up not attending at all

If father attends church regularly. Mother does not attend church at all:

44% of their children will end up attending church regularly

34% of their children will end up not attending at all

Don’t cause people to stumble! We're told not to make little kids or those new in Christ stumble. We're also told to not be partnered with unbelievers. That's easy to understand. Consider the following:

-If a little kid sees me preaching on Sunday, but drunk with friends in a facebook post, could that cause him to stumble?

-If a youngin' sees me as a leader in Christ, but also sees that I've got a girlfriend who isn't a Christian, could that cause him to stumble? What if he sees that I give in to her worldly proclivities and get drunk with her and stuff?

How can we give our children the best shot they can hope for at eternal life?

-----------Understanding the Threat Using the Old Testament-----------

Better than Ezra? Since the Old Testament contains a shadow of the spiritual reality for us today, it provides us a pattern to help us understand marriage between those in Christ and those not; in fact, it is actually pretty direct about marrying unbelievers. Ezra 10 specifically forbids God's people from marrying "foreign wives," and considered it unfaithfulness to God:

"Then Ezra the priest stood up and said to them, "You have been unfaithful; you have married foreign women, adding to Israel's guilt. Now make confession to the LORD, the God of your fathers, and do his will. Separate yourselves from the peoples around you and from your foreign wives."  (v10-11)

Wisdom of Nehemiah.  Among Nehemiah's various reforms, the Israelites set this down as a binding agreement:  "We promise not to give our daughters in marriage to the peoples around us or take their daughters for our sons."  Later in the rebuilding, when Nehemiah became aware of specific cases of intermarriage, he had this to say:

"Was it not because of marriages like these that Solomon king of Israel sinned? Among the many nations there was no king like him. He was loved by his God, and God made him king over all Israel, but even he was led into sin by foreign women. Must we hear now that you too are doing all this terrible wickedness and are being unfaithful to our God by marrying foreign women?"  (Nehemiah 13:23-27)

God considered it unfaithfulness and wickedness to take those who were not part of His people as spouses. Would it be wise to do it today? Would it be beneficial to the Kingdom?

God has always been serious. Numbers 25 tells us that Israel caused great damage by taking on companions who weren't of God. In part it says, 

"The Lord was angry against Israel. The Lord said to Moses, “Take all the leaders of the people and execute them in broad daylight before the Lord, so that the fierce anger of the Lord may turn away from Israel.”  So Moses said to the judges of Israel, “Each of you slay his men who have joined themselves to Baal of Peor.”

In the end, 24,000 of God's people died for partnering with unbelievers. This issue can destroy the church in one generation, yet it is socially acceptable and goes unnoticed.  Do you understand why God has always treated it seriously?

Close to our hearts. Satan wants to be as close to our heart as he can, so that he can corrupt it so it.  What is closer to your heart than your romantic partner? And that's why  the general tone of scripture from Genesis to Revelation has been against those of God marrying or otherwise partnering with those not of Him (OT examples: Genesis 6:2; 24:3; 26:34-35; 28:1; Exodus 34:11-16; Deuteronomy 7:1-5; Judges 14:1-3; 1 Kings 11, etc.).

Physical Israel had a pattern of taking non-believers as companions and, afterward, suffering death, exile, and destruction. Even Solomon, the wisest of men, was led astray and fell due to picking spouses not of God. Don't make that mistake.

-----------Will You Be Wise Or Foolish?-----------

The Kingdom Proton. In the sermon on the mount, Jesus admonished his disciples to put the kingdom of Christ “first” (proton) in their lives. The adverb suggests that the interests of the Lord should be “above all” else. Can anyone honestly contend that the child of God who unites himself with the unbeliever in the most intimate of all human relationships is granting the reign of Christ the most exalted place in his or her life?

If you are still blessed enough to have the option to get out of a dating relationship with a non-Christian, would you take it? What would please God? What puts the Kingdom first? And lastly, don't you have enough faith to trust that He will give you a companion who makes you just as happy as your non-Christian one, but with great spiritual blessings? If you aren't married yet, find yourself a person who will bring you closer to God, who will help you please God.

Jesus said, “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few. Therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest." There is so much work to be done. Pray for a helper in it, just like Jesus did.

As for me and my house. In Joshua 24:15 there is a beautiful message:

"And if it is evil in your eyes to serve the LORD, choose this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your fathers served [in other places]...But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.”

Imagine how much less powerful that verse would be if it said, "But as for me, and....no one else in my house, I am the only one will serve the Lord." So many Christian families these days cannot say that their house will serve the Lord, and it's very often a deliberate choice they make to marry those who will not, which later on ends up with kids who do not believe.  Choose to build the strongest family you can!

Emotions over all?  Being in love is an insane feeling—your heart is head-over-heels for someone. But God warns, ""Above all else, guard your heart, for from it flow the springs of life." (Proverbs 4:23) Have you ever met that non-Christian that you just fall for—he or she is just ALL that, emotionally, physically...not a Christian, but EVERYTHING else is perfect?

I have. I don't think there is ANY greater temptation. To me, that person has SO MUCH potential! I want to start the relationship NOW so that I don't miss any time feeling that love. But God tells me not to, and it isn't a big shocker that Satan wants us to fall for those who SEEM like they can be the best ever to us, "and no wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light." (2 Cor 11:14)

Work ceaselessly to make those who aren't in Christ a part of the Kingdom, but don't be tricked by your emotions. Guard your heart (emotions). Give if to other Christians, not to someone who you hope will maybe, one day, become one.

Getting out of a relationship. Sometimes Christians recognize that they're in spiritually poisonous relationships, and they think "I need to get out!" But often, it drags out over months with lots of tears and confusion. They've become emotionally attached, so it's hard to leave. They get guilt-tripped to stay. Let's look at how Jesus handled a poisonous relationship with Judas:

"As soon as Judas took the bread, Satan entered into him. So Jesus told him, "What you are about to do, do quickly." (John 13:27)

Jesus saw that the relationship would not improve, so He pushed to have it end quickly. We should do the same. Like setting a broken bone, it shouldn't be dragged out over months, but rather done quickly and decisively. Only then can the healing process begin.

Sleeping around. I need to say something about sleeping around.  Take two pieces of duct tape and press the sticky faces together. Trying to pull them back apart is nearly impossible, and causes damage to the pieces. However, if you take another two pieces of tape and stick them to a chair, the floor, etc., the glued side will soon be covered with junk.  If you press those pieces together, they might stick, but it will be easy to separate them again.

The same thing happens when a person has lots of sex outside of marriage. He makes bonds physically, emotionally, and spiritually with another person, but the relationship doesn’t last and the two are torn apart. The first time is often incredibly painful (lots of tears and bad feelings). This process repeats, maybe with a "rebound." They break up. The pain is there, but it is not as bad as the first time. With each succeeding relationship, the bond becomes weaker and weaker. When the person  finally doe does attempt to bond in marriage, there is so much baggage—so much junk—that it's difficult for the relationship to stick, but easy for the two partners to be torn apart.

Ideally, a man or a woman should only bond with his or her spouse. God expressed it like this: "Drink water from your own cistern and fresh water from your own well...Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth. As a loving hind and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; Be exhilarated always with her love." (Proverbs 5:15-19)

How do you react to different sins?

How do you react to different sins? I was talking to a friend about struggles we have. Sometimes, for example, we night not think a thing about a Christian sleeping around, or routinely getting wasted with friends, but someone gay, on the other hand, is not even worth bothering with! Blech!

God warns us against this habit, saying, "Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals,  nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God.  Such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God. " (1 Cor 6:9-11)

Do you let some sins slide because they're more acceptable to you? Or do you say, "Such were some of us?" Put the sin in the past, and help anyone get on target, no matter how they currently miss the mark! :)

When you just can't stand someone.

"Man, that stinking witch...well, God requires that I love her, but she should have her sins exposed and man I'd like to punch her face!  If only everyone else knew what I know about her!"—an internal thought from a Christian.

"Oh yeah, well you don't really serve Christ; it's all for show with you [censored], go to HELL!"—a Christian phone call gone nasty.

"Whose mouth is full of cursing and bitterness.”—Romans 13:14; God.

The above are a symptom of sickness in the lives of Christians; the symptom of a deadly disease which carries with it a host of other maladies. It is called "bitterness," expressed in Greek as being "pikros," meaning that the entire thing is cutting, sharp.  Have you ever seen that sort of response from a Christian in a relationship? Calculated, incisive, meant to cause damage...here is something better to consider:

"Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice."—Eph 4:31 

How are you in relationships?

How are you in relationships?  Romans 12:12 says,  "Be joyful in hope, patient in affection; faithful in prayer." 

The best romantic Christian relationships can be characterized by the above. Instead of being fed up with slight imperfections, we can have joy in hope for growth.  Instead of being pushy, we can be patient with our affection as both partners grow.  And strikingly important, we can learn to always be faithfully praying with our partners. 

That's a beautiful thing, and something I'm learning to do. 

The nature of loneliness—ever felt it?

Ever felt lonely?  There's a reason for that being a part of our nature.  God said of mankind, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness." (Gen 1:26)  In John 14:11, Jesus said, "Believe Me that I am in the Father and the Father is in Me," showing a part of His image: unity. 

Part of God's image is that He has never been alone. He exists together as the Father, the Christ, and the Spirit. Being made in His image, being alone is difficult for us, and as Christians, we need to look for ways to be united with other Christians. We need to seek out other Christians to grow. When we embrace being joined with other Christians, we soothe loneliness and we show ourselves "diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit." (Eph 4:3)

How to Prevent a Tsunami of Bitterness or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love.

BQ:  What should you do if you feel yourself becoming upset with someone? Proverbs 17:14 says, "The beginning of strife is like releasing water;  Therefore stop contention before a quarrel starts."

Don't even let that floodgate open. Once it does, the angry words that surge out erode the walls of a good relationship, leaving lasting scars. When I feel like I'm being hurt, I go to Luke 6:28, which says, "bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you." When I'm praying for the good of someone, I find that I can't get angry. If possible, I try to have them pray with me.

BQ: Have you ever had a brother or sister in Christ that you couldn't stand? That feeling isn't good, but it is a blessing because it's like a klaxon going off to warn you that your spiritual health is damaged. 1 John 2:11 explains, "But he who hates his brother is in darkness and walks in darkness, and does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded his eyes."

While an unkindness may cause you to feel anger in response, God tells us, "Be angry, and do not sin: do not let the sun go down on your wrath." (Eph 4:26) Don't let a feeling of quick anger be anything more than that. Put a damper on it immediately, and focus on walking in the light with whoever has hurt you, so that you don't end up by yourself in the darkness.

BQ: Have you ever called someone a bad name? Told them to go to hell? The second we let that bitterness toward a person exist, God isn't even interested in us trying to follow Him in other ways—not until we fix the flaw of inner hatred.. Instead, he tells us,

"Whoever says, ‘You fool!’ shall be in danger of hell fire. Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift." (Mt 5:22-24) 

If you have a brother or sister that you're not reconciled with, don't let it ride. Give your best effort to love them. Suck up your pride and be kind. You might not win your brother, but you will have tried your hardest, and you will be able to say that Romans 12:18 applies to you. "If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men."

Maintaining Strong Bonds: How to Stop Satan from Dividing and Conquering

Maintaining Bonds

Philippians 2:1-7

Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, 2 make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. 3 Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; 4 do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. 5 Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, 6 who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men.

BQ:  Would you kill your family members off one by one because of small differences? As a Christian family, we must never let the world drive us apart. We cannot let petty differences divide us. We must NEVER become embittered against a brother or sister in Christ, because,  “Every kingdom divided against itself is laid waste, and a divided household falls." (Mt 12:25)

Instead, at all times we must be "eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." (Eph 4:3)   Jesus said, "By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another." (John 13:35) Instead of looking for a reason to abandon your family, find a reason to cling to them. 

BQ:  Christians need to maintain relationships, because we're an army and a family.  Phil 2:1-2 says, "Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, 2 make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose."  How can you do that? How can you always be of the same mind or someone that perhaps you have little fondness for?

The easiest way is to realize that we all have the same commission from Jesus and the same purpose: to go and baptize people and teach them all that He commanded. That person you don't get along with because his sense of humor is weird? He is your battle buddy, and might save your skin one day. 

Apply this to romantic relationships, too. Realize that you MUST have the same mind and purpose, or you will never have complete joy, unity or spirit, encouragement of Christ, affection, compassion, or consolation of love.

BQ: Do you ever see a sister or brother in Christ and not feel like they're really someone you want to fellowship with? God says in Phil 2,  "if there is any fellowship of the Spirit...Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves."  That person that is a little rough around the edges, maybe, don't regard as not good enough yet, but rather as more important than yourself.  Do everything to serve them and help them grow. 

If you're married or going to be married, realize the same thing. You have to regard your spouse or future spouse as more important, and be willing to go the extra mile, serving them and showing sacrificial love. It's a lot easier when you both have the same focus and goal: serving Christ.  If that's true, you'll never feel conflict in being a servant, but rather joy in being a part of an effective team.

BQ: As Christians, we can't let Satan divide us. We MUST remain united. Often we take offense over the coarse actions of a brother or sister or spouse, but we need to take a step back and realize that stumbling does not mean that we have to fall. Philippians 2 says that if we want to be united in spirit, we must, "not merely look out for [our] own personal interests, but also for the interests of others."  
 

Did your spiritual family member hurt your feelings? Don't be bitter. Instead, talk to them and show them how you can look out for his or her interest. Do something kind. Show your love and grace not through mere words, but with actions. It'll reveal the character of Christ, which can do more than anything else to change a person. 

BQ: Philippians 2 tells us that, in order to remain united in spirit, romantically or not, we must, "have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus: who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped,  but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant.

Stick together with those who have the same goals as you. Empty yourself of selfishness and be willing to take on the attitude of a servant. It's one of the hardest things for us to do, and because of that, being a servant is one of the most memorable things, and the most inspiring to others. Lastly, don't think of servants as just those who clean up counters and do dishes. Soldiers serve their country, and are thus servants.  Be a solider in a great army, and never let anyone divide you to wreck your ability to serve God. 

Too Hard to Find a Christian?

I recently saw a preacher say that it's ok for Christians to marry non-Christians because, "It is very difficult to find a Christian, and God sanctifies the marriage, and wants you happy."  

It stuck me that something is wrong if we think it's "too hard to find a Christian." It's like saying, "look, Satan has a fine selection, and looking for something God offers takes too long and is tedious and might never happen.  Let Satan make you happy!" 





BQ: When you're surrounded by the world, it can be really tempting to date and/or marry the world, too. Much like a man of God living in Canaan, there can seem to be little in the way of Godly options. But Abraham was in that position, and when talking to a manager of his house, he put forth a good example for us, saying,

"I want you to swear by the LORD, the God of heaven and the God of earth, that you will not get a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I am living, but will go to my country and my own relatives and get a wife for my son Isaac."  (Genesis 24:2-4)

It is far better to spend time looking for a truly good helper for Christ, and to go great lengths to find him or her, than to settle for a knockoff that Satan puts out, even if the knockoffs outnumber the genuine 1,000,000 to 1.






BQ: Christians often put no emphasis on marrying/courting those who share the same faith, and at times it is pretty discouraging to me.  God describes the lost saying, "their flesh will rot while they stand on their feet, and their eyes will rot in their sockets, and their tongue will rot in their mouth." (Zech 14:12)

As Christians, we need, "put off [the] old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires," and joining ourselves to dead men walking doesn't accomplish that very well, but instead leads us back to the world.

Instead or dating spiritual zombies, we need to be saving them. Having a strong Christian helper is of incredible value, and that's why Genesis 2:18 says, "And Jehovah says, ' It is not good for the man to be alone, so I make for him a helper — as his counterpart.'"  Find your counterpart and heal the sick, but don't become one with them.







BQ: Lots of Christians are content giving their emotions to those who are spiritually dead, and it weakens their ability to be effective for Christ.  Beyond that, in marriage it leaves their children with mixed leadership. The non-Christian spouse leads toward Satan and being trapped by the world, while the other spouse leads toward God.

In Nehemiah 13:27, God said of His people marrying those who were not, "Must we hear now that you too are doing all this terrible wickedness and are being unfaithful to our God by marrying foreign women?" 

God doesn't do this to restrict us, but rather to protect our spirits from life-ruining decisions.  Our effectiveness and happiness can be forever compromised if we take a partner that Satan happily hands us, rather than one who will be an effective teammate. Be effective, be faithful. :)






BQ: The truth is that there are a lot of zombies out there, and we need to avoid being unequally yoked with them. I don't know how to handle it exactly as well as I'd like, but I do refuse to give my emotional core to a person (fall in love with) someone who needs my spiritual help.

Instead, I put their eternity first and follow the advice of Matthew 28:19, which instructs us to, "Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit."  In a world where most Christian ladies are taken, making new Christians isn't a bad deal, but putting "romance" before eternal life is just about the worst choice one can make.

Don't be unequally yoked. If push comes to shove, devote yourself to making a living stone which will be a great counterpart in your work for the Lord, and then do the yoking. Not before. :)

 

Building Houses and Marriages

BQ: When you're thinking about marriage, if you're single, how do you approach it?  Psalm 127:1 says, "Unless the LORD builds the house, They labor in vain who build it."

Many approach marriage with no particular plan. It's simply, "I think that I'll do this, because it will make me feel happy." Would any us think that a good house could be built if we never had a plan for how to build it?

Before we get married, we need to have plan for the purpose for our marriage, and what it should accomplish. If not, it'll tend to be a chaotic mess.






BQ: An upcoming marriage should be planned like a house: thought out before we start building, and with purpose.  Proverbs 24:3-4 gives us some instruction:

"By wisdom a house is built,

And by understanding it is established;

And by knowledge the rooms are filled

With all precious and pleasant riches."

If you're thinking about building a new life in marriage, what are you building it on? If you're building it simply on emotion, that's a shaky foundation that will change a ton over time. Instead, build it with wisdom, understanding, and knowledge, and it will be a pleasant and rich one.






BQ: We saw that romantic emotions are insufficient for a good marriage in the long run, and that we need to plan. Just like building a house, we need a firm foundation. James 3:13-18 gives us some wisdom on how to plan our new life:

"Who among you is wise and understanding? Let him show by his good behavior his deeds in the gentleness of wisdom. But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth. This wisdom is not that which comes down from above, but is earthly, natural, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing. 

But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace."

Notice that again wisdom and understanding are mentioned. We'll look at this a bit at a time, but for now, plan your marriage to be full of gentleness. Too many relationships are filled with one partner yelling at the other, with harshness and not gentleness. Don't let that happen with yours.





BQ: We were looking at James 3, which gives perfect advice on how to manage our relationships. When planning on getting married, we have to look for some of the signs of spiritual illness that might be present, and fix them as soon as possible. 

"But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth. This wisdom is not that which comes down from above, but is earthly, natural, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing."

When people repeat something, it's to emphasize it. Notice that jealousy is repeated as something to avoid. That's an early warning sign that something isn't quite right, and we'll look more at it tomorrow.






BQ: In relationships, God warns against jealousy and selfish ambition. One early warning sign that something is sick in a relationship is if jealousy exists, and especially if it is purposefully precipitated.  

Watch out for those who seek to make you jealous while courting. It'll often take a very subtle form...maybe a subtle comment on a picture of someone of the opposite sex on facebook, maybe mentions of how pleasing past love interests were and how it's hard to find someone of their caliber. It'll often be plausibly deniable, and you might even doubt yourself—surely someone you have feelings for wouldn't make you feel insecure, right?

Avoid that. Ask yourself: do you feel like you have to be a detective to figure out if you're really the one your romantic interest is truly interested in? If you do, and if there is any jealousy, the relationship is sick, and is not yet solid ground to build a marriage on.







BQ: We've been looking at James 3 and applying it to planning a marriage. In part, it says, "But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace."

Notice all of the PEACE in that passage. It's all about being gentle. Not a pushover, but gentle, forgiving...yet unwavering. Look at you and your love interest. Do you seek to fight to be right?

Look for the warning signs. Does your interest purposefully use mean words to hurt you, to gain an upper hand. If so, don't pass it off as something normal. That's a sign of a deep, serious flaw in the very foundation of the character of a person, and like building a house, a cracked foundation will get worse if not addressed. 






BQ:  We saw that jealousy is horrible in a relationship, and so is strife. The opposite of those two things, really, is harmony. Often Christians will "fall" for someone of the world—someone captive to Satan. 

Have you ever been to a symphony? The harmony of the instruments is beautiful. They work together to accomplish a goal, which is pre-planned. But imagine if just ONE instrument were playing to a totally different song. It would sound horrible. Now imagine that there were only two instruments, and each were playing something exactly the opposite of the other. It would be horrible.

When you're picking your partner for life, pick the one that's singing to the same spiritual tune. Don't pick something that will be discordant and unplanned. Pick harmony.






BQ:  God also likens relationships to house building, saying in Proverbs 14:1, "The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish tears it down with her own hands." In James 3, we saw that we get to choose wisdom from above, or earthly wisdom. Earthly wisdom is easily observed, and often comes in gross packages like, "90% of women choose a man based on the first kiss," or, "flat chests are like flat tires: worthless." 

Instead of picking someone based off those criteria, we should look at criteria from verse two, which notes that those "who walk in uprightness fear the Lord."  How spiritually beautiful is someone? How upright are they? 





BQ: When planning a house, and a marriage, we get our choice of foundation. We can choose a worldly partner, or one who is spiritually grounded. Jesus outlined our choices and said,

"Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine and acts on them, may be compared to a wise man who built his house on the rock.  And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded on the rock.

Everyone who hears these words of Mine and does not act on them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. The rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and it fell—and great was its fall.” (Mt 7:24-27)

Which foundation do you choose? One that will crumble in the end, or one that stands strong? It is not enough to pick a man or woman who merely hears the word—we must pick the one that shows through their labor that they are acting on it, too.






BQ: Gen 2 says in part,

"Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him...  For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh."

When planning our marriages, we should be doing it because it is best if we are not alone, and best if we have help in our lives. The fact is, we NEED spiritual help, yet we often think of being a "helper" as an un-noteworthy role. Is it really a poor part to play? 

Psalm 54:4 should make it clear that we should all seek to be helpers, because, "Behold, God is my helper; The Lord is the sustainer of my soul."  Find the person that you'll help, complete, and sustain. 






BQ: The Song of Hiawatha, by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, illustrated his take on marriage. It said, 

""As unto the bow the cord is,

So unto the man is woman,

Though she bends him, she obeys him,

Though she draws him, yet she follows,

Useless each without the other!""

God noted a similar take on things long before Longfellow, saying in Eccl 4:9-12,

"Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor.  For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart."

When we act together, we can accomplish great things, and resist powerful adversaries. In your marriage, will you have three strands? We all can, if we choose: husband, wife, and God. The strongest of all bonds on this earth.






BQ:  For now, this will be our final look at building houses and marriages. Ultimately, what can make your marriage a solid one? There is one goal, that which if agreed upon, utterly negates selfish ambition and jealousy. 2 Cor 5:9 sums it up, saying,

"Therefore we also have as our ambition, whether at home or absent, to be pleasing to Him."

I'll leave you with five very basic tips for now to get your marriage started. They're so simple that anyone can do them.

1.) Determine the purpose for your marriage. To be merely happy (Satan can give you that for a seaon)? To be holy and happy? What is it?
2.) Set goals to accomplish that purpose—maybe just three to start.
3.) Make a plan to accomplish those goals. 
4.) Do the work to accomplish the plan.
5.) Pray and fast about it together, because peace exists in abundance while doing that.

7 Ways to Destroy a Marriage

1.) Stop communicating. 

Ephesians 5:23-30 says,

"For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body....Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her...So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;  for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body."

In life, our bodies constantly communicate with our heads, and vice versa. What happens if suddenly that communication stops? Usually paralysis, and if it's bad enough, death. Communication both ways is needed for the the organism to survive, and in marriage we are considered "one flesh" and thus one organism.  If you want to kill any relationship, stop communicating. It'll be dead before you know it.








2.) Confide in a friend of the opposite sex. 

What routinely kills marriages is one partner developing strong emotional bonds with someone of the opposite sex. This is true of any romantic relationship. If you need emotional support, go to your spouse. Your spouse must be your best friend. 1 Cor 13:4 reminds us that, "love does not envy," and if you're making your spouse jealous for the bond he/she wants to have with you, you're introducing something which is certainly not love. 

If you let someone else take the place of your partner emotionally, sexually, or physically, you're making a choice to tear down everything that you've built.









3.) Demean or insult your spouse.

Eph 5:29 points out that in a marriage, "no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church." If you are belittling your spouse instead of encouraging him/her, there's no nourishment going on. The relationship will grow as well as a plant watered with paint thinner, because insults and belittling statements cause envy and are utterly toxic. 

It's worth noting that comparing your spouse or romantic interest negatively to someone else is the absolute most deadly thing to do. "Well Jerry is more manly," or, "Jessica's a lot more feminine" shows that not only do you not appreciate the one you claim to love, but that you're thinking about someone else, too...and viewing them as a more desirable mate.








4.) Stop having sex.

Sex is a great thing which God has provided, and is an intimate thing between only you and your spouse. It is a bond that has been committed to with words, and, at a physiological level, even with chemicals. It you stop seeing it as important, your relationship will almost certainly head downhill, unless there is mutual apathy, in which case it's already in trouble. Look at the importance that God places on it in 1 Cor 7:3-5,

"The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

If you stop making love, you give Satan another avenue to tempt and try to destroy a marriage.







5.) Start keeping secrets.

I once saw a post that discussed relationships which were budding, and it said:

 “The Detective Rule”. "The idea is simple: if you find yourself playing detective with someone, you remove them from your life immediately. Remember your Constant? Do you play detective with them? Do you cyberstalk their Facebook page and question their every intention? No, of course not. So you know the common denominator is external."

God speaks in Job about trust, and there are two types which play out. In Job 11:18, there is trust that is solid, "“Then you would trust, because there is hope; And you would look around and rest securely."  Notice the confidence and ability to rest well and be at peace. On the other hand, if our spouse keeps secrets, we start to have "confidence that is fragile, and trust that is a spider's web."  (Job 8:14)

Don't keep secrets. You'll both be able to sleep easily at night.








6.) Spend lots of time around people who don't like your spouse or loved one.

I have seen this one happen a LOT.  Every time I've seen it, it's been the mother or father (or both) who hate who their child has married or is in love with. This is a recipe for disaster because, as Matthew 6:24 notes, "No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other."

Suddenly the spouse will be trying to maintain the relationship with the friends or family who dislike who he/she has married, and in doing so, they have to subtly ally themselves with these individuals.  

If that happens, we need to remember that, "For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh." (Gen 2:24)  A new family has been made, and bitterness from an old family cannot be present. The husband and wife must be one flesh, and must both refuse to allow an emotional war to take place. 








7.) Quit trying.

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying 'I will try again tomorrow.'" —Mary Radmacher 

If your goal is success, you must keep striving toward it. If neither partner gives up, success will result, but if just one partner gives up, destruction is guaranteed.  "And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up...Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit, says the LORD of hosts." ( Gal 6:9 & Zech 4:6)

Three Points for Healthy Relationships

Marriages depend on love, commitment, and discipline. Love these days, though, is often thrown about with little regard. It's come to mean, "yeah, I like you a lot," but it's often taken away in the blink of an eye for various reasons. Maybe something nicer looking comes along, or the person wants to do some damage as "punishment" for some wrong, real or not. 

With that in mind, I'd like to look at some verses and apply to them to marriage, dating, etc. Basically, this is a mini-study that I've for me to correct some of my own aberrant behavior. I hope it's helpful to you, too. Let's look at 3 points that I need to work on. 



1: Consistency is Key:


Starting off, let's look at Luke 7:24-27.

“Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine and acts on them, may be compared to a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded on the rock. Everyone who hears these words of Mine and does not act on them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand.  The rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and it fell—and great was its fall.”

Apply this to a relationship. God is called the, "Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadows." In our relationship with God, there is an INCREDIBLY solid foundation. Unlike sand, there is NOTHING to shift around and cause us to sink or break apart, but everything to provide the firmest foundation.

When getting a relationship started (and continuing it), it's incredibly important to be consistent and without variation. People fear the unknown, and variation puts all sorts of unknown variables into the equation, which in turn makes the relationship one with an underlying miasma of fear.

Personally, I need to work on being more consistent. I've gotten better, but I can still be somewhat inconsistent. As a man, I need to be solid, strong, and courageous, with persistence and patience. A family and marriage will need a solid foundation, and I need to provide that.

Ladies are designed as "suitable helpmates" (Gen 2:18) for men.  I think of it like a puzzle. Some pieces will fit together, but not very well. In order for the puzzle to link together and really stay in place, the complementary pieces need to be hooked together. If one or both pieces are somehow changing shape and having variation, like shifting sand, it's going to be very hard for that puzzle to stay together. As suitable helpmates, women can offer great reassurance to man by being stable and consistent.





2: Tears Don't Mean Failure

It's tempting to look at a relationship and say, "Man, this is a lot of work."  Sometimes relationships drive us to cry, and our effort seems fruitless. However, tears coming from working to make a relationship work don't mean failure. In fact, in our relationship with Christ, we go out to others showing love for them, and it can be painful. Psalms 126:6 says,

"He who goes to and fro weeping, carrying his bag of seed,

Shall indeed come again with a shout of joy, bringing his sheaves with him."

Our society encourages a throwaway mentality, but if you're in a relationship, don't throw it away. Stick with it through the tears, all the way to the end. The loudest shouts of joy often come when we overcome the most!





3: Do You Love Like Christ?

I used to throw people away when stuff didn't work. "Well I'm not going to date you anymore, so kindly stay 100% out of my life," was pretty much my attitude. However, I'm a Christian, which means that I am like Christ. Indeed, I say that I have the mind of Christ, which means that I can't be like that. Why not?

I often use the "l" word, but not "love" like America sees it. These days, it's serious business to me. I love everyone, and in dating or relationships, it's the same. Sometimes things MIGHT not work out; sometimes for a little bit, and sometimes permanently. But that doesn't change how I'm going to act. 

Here's why:

"For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Rom 8:38-39)

I want to be like Christ, and that means I want my love to be like Christ. Just because something goes wrong doesn't mean that I'll let it separate my love from the person. Love transcends my desires and is replaced by Christ's. If you really love someone, you won't give up on them. You might be forced into a different type of relationship with them emotionally, but spiritually you'll still love them, be there for them, and seek to help them maximize their potential in Christ. That's what love is. It doesn't stop just because it's hurt or upset. It sees damage and wants to heal, it seems pitfalls and wants to help avoid, and it endures forever. It is the greatest thing we can offer. 

Characteristics of Married Love

BQ: Love in marriage is essential. This is kind of a one-off sort of BQ, but I was looking at some things that married love did in the Bible, or how it was described. It's kinda pleasant to share.

Married love brings comfort even after the death of a loved one: 
"Then Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent, and he took Rebekah, and she became his wife, and he loved her; thus Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death."  Gen 24:67 

Married love makes time seem to go by faster and better: 
"So Jacob served seven years for Rachel and they seemed to him but a few days because of his love for her." (Ge 29:20)* (Or the sort of love that will lead to a marriage, in this case, but it remained the same, so I'm including it!)

Married love cannot be replaced by all the riches in the world: 
“Many waters cannot quench love,

Nor will rivers overflow it;

If a man were to give all the riches of his house for love,

It would be utterly despised.” (Song 8:7)

What is faithfulness?

BQ:  What is faithfulness? 

A: Throughout the Bible, God is referred to as being faithful without deviation. Many portions of the Bible look at specific ways in which He is faithful, such as, "No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is FAITHFUL, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it. (1 Cor 10.13) All theological lexicons which examine the original Greek and Aramaic agree that the word for faithful means, "reliable." 

Consider the verse above. When we're tempted, God is reliable in providing us with avenues for escape. I used to make excuses for doing some pretty worldly things; in essence, the people I was hanging out with and the things I was doing WERE my life. I couldn't imagine "just sitting around being Christian." But when I decided to change, all of a sudden I had tons of Christian friends who wanted to do things that were a total blast! 

I wasn't reliable at first, but God was. I avoided developing deep friendships with my spiritual family, and instead spent all my free time with worldly people, and ended up looking much like them. If you have that sort of issue, realize that God is faithful and is providing you other opportunities which are far better—you just have to pursue them. 

PS-If you haven't caught on yet, I've been doing minor word studies on words from Gal 5:22-23, which says, “But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, FAITHFULNESS, gentleness, self-control.” 



BQ: Yesterday we saw that God is faithful or reliable, and that He provides us with ways to escape sin 100% of the time. When you examine yourself, are you reliably worldly or reliably like Jesus? Does it matter if you're not that reliable/faithful?
 

A: "Moreover it is required in stewards that one be found faithful?" (1 Cor 4:2) If we want to be true stewards, we must be faithful.  Consider yourself. Are you faithful to God? Do you treat your relationship casually? If you were married, would you treat it the same way? Will God call you a faithful servant? Or a servant who considered being faithful but didn't make the effort to build the relationship? How can you become a more reliable servant?

BQ: In the past however many years, I've come to realize that one huge aspect of finding a mate is finding one who is faithful. As we've come to learn, faithful doesn't just mean not sleeping around on your spouse; rather, it means being wholly reliable. I've met a lot of people who are like I was—not faithful, but with a desire to become so—and a lot who are like I currently am, which I'd define as "not there yet, but getting a lot better!"
 

Are you one of those people who isn't very faithful to Christ, but wants to get there? Do you ever do something you know He won't be happy with and then regret it? The cool thing is that God understands and is patient, and He encourages us to grow. Consider this about Moses, "just as Moses also was faithful in all God’s house” (Hebrews 3:2). Did you know that Moses had a really rough, unreliable start?  In fact, from Exodus 3 and 4, look at what Moses said when he was called to lead the people, he had these excuses: 

1.) "Who am I?" (11) 
2) “If I come to the people of Israel and say to them, ‘The God of your fathers has sent me to you, and they ask me, ‘What is His name?’ What shall I say to them?” (13)

3) “But behold, they will not believe me or listen to my voice, for they will say, ‘Jehovah did not appear to you.’” (4.1)

4) “I am not eloquent ... I am slow of speech and of tongue.” (4.10)

5) “Please send someone else.” (4.13)

Moses wasn't exactly batting a thousand at first. Drop the excuses and learn from Moses! Master your desires and choose to serve God and become faithful! A rough start doesn't preclude a ferocious, faithful finish! 

BQ: We've learned a lot about various words from Galatians 5. Words like justice/righteousness, mercy/kindness, and faithfulness/reliability. Some people hold to a form of religiousness without accomplishing God's will. What does God say about that?

A: Mt 23:23 “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you tithe mint and dill and cummin, and have neglected the weightier provisions of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness; but these are the things you should have done without neglecting the others."

There are those words again. Look at them carefully. God's "chosen" people failed. They polished the outside of the cup, but inside it was gross and worldly. How are you inside? Are you clean inside and out, or is there still nasty, dark junk deep inside?  Notice how God words the sentence, too. It starts with righteousness, which is succeeded by mercy, and which is trumped by faithfulness. Faithfulness is the ultimate goal. It is reliability. It is an attitude of justice but painted with love and mercy and patience.

How's the inside of your cup? 





BQ:  Today is our last recap of faithfulness, which is defined as trustworthiness and reliability. Proverbs 20:6 says, "Many a man proclaims his own steadfast love, but a faithful man who can find?"
 

It took me about 24 years to REALLY get the guts to examine myself. Up until that age, I'd look at myself briefly, but I'd quickly stop. In Acts 24:25, Felix held Paul prisoner and questioned him. The situation went like this: "And as he reasoned about righteousness and self-control and the coming judgment, Felix was alarmed and said, “Go away for the present. When I get an opportunity I will summon you.”

I was the same. I proclaimed steadfast love, but like Felix, when I would try to examine myself versus the truth, I'd become afraid and push it out of my mind and pretend that it didn't happen. At some point, though, we all need to look at the bad habits that we're choosing to keep and admit them. The first step is always admitting that we have a problem. The only way to become reliable is to start getting rid of everything that makes you unfaithful. Don't put it off. Look for ways to start replacing evil with good. 

Love God or fear Him?

Love and Discipline
BQ: Should we love God or should we fear him? Children both love and fear their parents.  A child's father protects him, loves him, and disciplines him to ensure his survival.

Q: What does perfect love do? Should we fear God? What is the beginning of wisdom?
A: 1 Jn 4:18,  THEN
Mt 10:28,  Heb 10:27-31 and 11:7, THEN
Pro 8:13, Pro 9:10, Psa 111:10

"The conclusion, when all has been heard, is: fear God and keep His commandments, because this applies to every person." (Eccl 12:13)
(PN6)

Restoring someone.

Restoring someone.
BQ: Have you ever been upset when someone's let you or others down? When someone has failed at some task? One battle I personally have is with taking failure critically, both in myself and in others. It's something that's completely unattractive and I seriously need to work on it.

When it comes to doing things which aren't morally upright, it can be tempting to use righteousness as some sort of hammer. The thing is, it's impossible to bang out sin in someone. They have to want to
remove it.

"Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted. Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ" is written in Galatians 6:1-2.Matthew 18:21-22 says, ""Then Peter came to Him and said, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven."

When someone falls, we need to help them up. Isn't that what you'd want for yourself? Helping someone up, however, does require that we acknowledge that they indeed have fallen. We can't just ignore it, or they'll never be restored. At the same time, we don't kick them when they're down, or yank at them furiously.

Remember, you can never fix a broken item by destroying it. Let's gently restore those who have fallen, and remember how we'd like to be treated ourselves.
(PN2)