As a preface, please understand that what I post is not “God’s given truth,” but rather my interpretation of God’s Word. I do not post it seeking to anger people, nor do I present it to anyone as “absolute fact.” I am neither an authority nor a scholar—I can at best be called an “ignorant and untrained man.” I do not always like what God says, but when His Word disagrees with what I like, I go with what He seems to be saying, since I trust the eternal One rather than the 27 year-old. It has been noted that I state my thoughts as truth, and I can only say, “But of course. I would never want to throw out something that I thought was false or in any way a lie!” I encourage you to do your own research and fact check anything of mine that I happen to post. You may find errors, and I could be wrong. No matter what, though, studying God’s Word will better equip you! I hope you get some value out of my understanding of divorce, and I hope each point is enjoyable and well-worded. God Bless! Jesus loves you, but I <3 you, too!
Point 1.) Because God Hates Divorce
Ever hear a preacher say, "For God hates divorce?" This is WRONG...ish. Divorce is certainly not nominal, and God desires our marriage to be like His Son's to the Church: one partner for a lifetime. What is being quoted is Malachi 2:16. The NASB says, "For I hate divorce," says the LORD, the God of Israel, "and him who covers his garment with wrong..."
If you get your hands on some older versions (Tanakh 1917, KJV, ASV, Young's Literal, etc.) and even some newer versions (Modern Literal Version, AKJV, KJV2000 Jubilee 2000, ERV, etc.) DON'T say that God hates divorce. The Modern Literal Version instead says,
"For I hate putting away, says Jehovah, the God of Israel and he who covers his garment with violence, says Jehovah of hosts."
The word that we often say is "divorce" there...isn't. Instead, the Aramaic word used is, "shalach," which means to "put away," to "cast away," to "send away," and refers to men who would drive off a wife they didn't like, but would not give her a certificate of divorce. This word is used in Jer 15:1 saying, "people; send them away from My presence," in Genesis 8:10, "and again he sent forth the dove." Did Noah divorce a dove? No! Did he send it away? Yes!
Since the woman was "put away," but not given a decree of divorce, she would most likely end up in another relationship in order to survive, but still married to the old husband—and thus an adulteress. However, God addressed the evil of the male side in this.
Point 2.) God’s Own Divorce—Neither Nominal Nor Happy
Did you know that God has Himself divorced? "And I saw, when, for this very cause that backsliding Israel had committed adultery, I had put her away and given her a bill of divorcement also, yet treacherous Judah her sister feared not, but she also went and played the harlot." (Jer 3:8; see also Isaiah 50)
Did you know that in Ezra 10 God commanded the Israelite men to get divorces from their pagan, idolatrous wives? So divorce in and of itself is not evil. It was sanctioned by God and commanded by God in certain circumstances.
Does this mean that we should get divorced? No. It means that we should recognize that it is a painful process which we should avoid at every opportunity, from dating the right person to working together for Christ in marriage. And like Christ, if our spouse has made a tragic mistake in fidelity, we can choose to be like Christ and show them extraordinary mercy.
Caveat: God's objective for us is to find Godly mates who help us do great things for the Kingdom. As I heard someone say once, "I think people should mate for life, like pigeons or Catholics."
Point 3.) Doctrines of Demons?
I know people who have made genuine mistakes that, because their divorce wasn't "for the right reasons," they cannot remarry, and that God forbids it. This got me thinking. Paul told Gentile widows and the unmarried (this would include those who are divorced) to marry rather than to burn saying, "But I say to the unmarried and to widows...if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." (1 Cor 7:8-9)
He said that marriage was partially for the prevention of immorality (v2): "But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband." He also stated that "forbidding marriage" was a doctrine of demons. (1 Tim 4:1-3)
So my thought is this: should we ever endorse a doctrine of demons? Would Jesus teach it in Matthew and Mark? Or do we need to take a deeper look into what was being said?
Point 4.) Questions to Consider
There is a notion in some of Christianity that, should a person be divorced for a reason other than adultery, he/she can never remarry. Today we'll look at 1 Cor 7. It opens saying that each man and woman are to have their own spouse, "because of immoralities." (1-2) Verses 3-5 discuss the need for sex in marriage.
In 6-7, Paul remarked that he wished that some could practice celibacy as he did, "however, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that." So Paul indicates that indeed, some do not have the gift to be celibacy. In verse 9, he then says that it is better to let these people marry than to see them burn.
Questions to consider:
1.) Who is allowed to have a spouse? God says the unmarried. Is a divorced person married? (v1-2)
2.) Are we taking way God's tool to help people avoid fornication if we tell someone who is not married (divorced, widowed, etc.) that they cannot remarry? (6-9)
3.) Did Paul, however, admonish the married to stay together? "Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be released." (v27)
4.) Does Paul indicate that a person who is a Christian, but already married to an unbeliever, should not leave that unbelieving spouse (12-16)b just because they are not Christian?
4.) However, for those who are not yet married, does he say to "marry only in the Lord?" (39)
Point 5.) A Law Referenced
Jesus said this on divorce: “It was said, ‘Whoever sends his wife away, let him give her a certificate of divorce’; 32 but I say to you that everyone who [a]divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a [b]divorced woman commits adultery." (Mt 5:31-32 NASB)
Notice that the text has markers [a] and [b]. Why? In this case, the text was taken from Biblegateway's NASB translation. Those markers indicate that the translators have made a change to the text, and the word used is not actually "divorce." That should make you stop and think. So what is the proper translation? Let's look at the literal of v32:
"But I say unto you, that every one that putteth away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, maketh her an adulteress: and whosoever shall marry her when she is put away committeth adultery."
Jesus was speaking to Jews, so we should go the the Jewish Law on divorce to understand what He was expressing. Specifically, Deut 24:1-4 informs us about the Law on divorce. v1-2 say,
“When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out from his house, and she leaves his house and goes and becomes another man’s wife."
Divorce was accomplished through a legal paper of divorcement, known as a "get." Without that paper, a woman was still married, and so lying with another man was adultery. Sending a wife away without a "get" was known as "putting away," and was a terrible thing to do to a woman, as it stripped her of her ability to remarry. The New and Old Covenants both taught that those who are not married (including someone legally divorced) are allowed to remarry.
Point 6.) Can’t Stump the Messiah
Some Pharisees tried to stump Jesus on divorce in Mark 10. Check out how important this is:
-They asked him, testing him, "Is it lawful for a husband to put away his wife?" And answering, He said to them, "What did Moses command you?"
-And they said, "Moses permitted us to {both} write a document of divorcement and to put her away."
-Jesus answering, said to them, "He wrote this commandment for you because of your hardness of heart. But God made them male and female from the beginning of the creation. Because of this, a man will leave his father and mother and will be joined to his wife; and the two will become one flesh, so-that they are no more two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has yoked together, let no man put asunder."
God says here that He has allowed divorce, though not mere "sending a wife away," because people have hard hearts. Instead of trapping one spouse with someone who has decided that they were useless trash, He permitted a woman to be given divorce papers so that she could start over with a clean slate.
Jesus routinely answered with a pattern of "Precept-Principle-Action." The precept is the command; the law." The Law allowed for divorce. The principle is the primary truth and driving force—in this case, don't have a hard heart! Love one another. And the action was this, "Let not man put asunder."
Divorce is not nominal. It's tragic. It's horrific. We should strive with all of our soul to avoid becoming hard-hearted, and to avoid divorce.
Point 7.) Precept, Principle, Action
There are a host of opinions as to what constitutes "scriptural divorce," but those opinions are often ours and not necessarily those of God. Within the context of this teaching on divorce, Jesus gives 5 different contrasts of what the Law said versus what He says is the point of the Law
I look at these as the "Precept vs. Principle" teachings. That is, “Rules and Zero Tolerance versus Principles of Mercy and Love.” Jesus consistently says, "You have heard it said," and then gives "BUT I say to you," in response.
Here is a quick synopsis: PRECEPT VS. PRINCIPLE
Introduction: Till the kingdom comes, all precepts must be kept, but there are principles to consider.
"“Do not think that I came to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I did not come to abolish but to fulfill. For truly I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not the smallest letter or stroke shall pass from the Law until all is accomplished. Whoever then annuls one of the least of these commandments, and teaches others to do the same, shall be called least in the kingdom of heaven; but whoever keeps and teaches them, he shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven.
“For I say to you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven.” (Mt 5:17-20)
Murder
1. Precept: Mat 5:21 "You have heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.'
Principle: Mat 5:22 But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, 'You fool!' will be liable to the hell of fire.
Action: Mat 5:23 So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you,
Mat 5:24 leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.
Adultery
2. Precept: Mat 5:27 "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery.'
Principle: Mat 5:28 But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Action: Mat 5:29 If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell.
Oaths
3. Precept: Mat 5:33 "Again you have heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not swear falsely, but shall perform to the Lord what you have sworn.'
Principle: Mat 5:34 But I say to you, Do not take an oath at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God,
Mat 5:35 or by the earth, for it is his footstool, or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King.
Mat 5:36 And do not take an oath by your head, for you cannot make one hair white or black.
Action: Mat 5:37 Let what you say be simply 'Yes' or 'No'; anything more than this comes from evil.
Retribution
4. Precept: Mat 5:38 "You have heard that it was said, 'An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.'
Principle: Mat 5:39 But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.
Mat 5:40 And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well.
Mat 5:41 And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.
Action: Mat 5:42 Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you.
Enemies
5. Precept: Mat 5:43 "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.'
Principle: Mat 5:44 But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,
Mat 5:45 so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.
Action: Mat 5:48 You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
Consider Jesus’ teaching on marriage, adultery, divorce, and putting away a wife without giving her a certificate of divorce. What was the precept? What was the principle? What action should be taken?
Freebie Thoughts:
Marriages fail. Big time. The lifetime risk of divorce is around 40% for people who even bother to get married. Why? Any good team, from business to basketball, has a mission in which everyone is invested. Marriages need to be more than just being happy—they need to have a mission statement; a goal. Marriage needs to bring a couple closer to Christ. Marriage with a mission is critical.
Marriages need to behappiness AND holiness. Without a mission statement that puts God first, selfishness will creep in. Without a mission statement, when times get rough, couples start looking out for number one—they have no higher goal to fall back on. They split apart when it gets tough, instead of holding tighter.
By the way, the spouse you marry won't be the same person in five years, guaranteed. People change. God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” (Gen 2) In order to help one another, there has to be a goal. Pick a spouse whose goal is to "grow in respect to salvation," (1 Pet 2)
Want a good marriage? Pick a spouse with an eternal goal that "there be no divisions among you, but that you be united in the same mind and the same judgment." (1 Cor 1)
Marriage has to be about more than happiness—it has to be about holiness. If marriage is just based on happiness (s/he makes me happy/money is good/what a hottie), it's easily threatened. At some point, you'll be unhappy with your spouse, because people change. Sometimes it's short term—stress or the like—and sometimes it's long term, like spiritual growth.
One thing's for sure, if you pick Mr. Right, it's very possible that, if you're just looking for happiness, you can meet Mr. Righter. Cheating happens pretty easily these days, too. It's easy to get some affection from guys or girls on Facebook, or from someone at the office. It's easy to say, "Wow, this person is so much more attractive in this way...I may have settled too soon."
C.S. Lewis called courage "the form of every virtue at the testing point." When you're unhappy with your spouse and Satan sends you, "Option B for your bed, who's a little nicer right now," it's critical to have a marriage with a mission. What's that mission? Being holy. As Eph 5:22-32 says, marriage is to make us more like Christ. It's to be courageous. It's a commitment sustained through discipline.
Marriage is designed to show the relationship between Christ and His bride, which is the church. It is meant to show endless love, and incredible respect. " So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies...and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband." (Eph 5) That's so much easier to do when you have a marital mission built around Christ.
