Resources for Your Reboot—Helene →

Resources for your Reboot

How are your New Year’s resolutions going?  Did you give up on the gym yet? Start cheating on your new diet?  Violate January’s budget?  No?  Great!

I hope your rebooted plan to be a regular student of God’s Word is also going well.  If you missed Friday’s post, go back and take a look at the worksheet for rebooting your spiritual disciplines and then come enjoy the multitude of resources we gathered for you to help you get started!

Bible Reading:

Back to the Bible

This website offers not only multiple plans to help you read through the Bible in a year, but each plan has links to the day’s scripture in multiple versions, so that you can click through and do your reading at the same site.  It is quick and handy and could be done on the go if you have a smart phone. 

Ligionier

Ligonier also offers multiple plans to achieve the goal of reading the Bible all the way through.  However, these are intended to be downloaded and then printed. Perfect for those of you who would be much happier to tuck it into your Bible and read a hardcopy each morning. 

Word of Promise

If you struggle with reading, say for example you arecommuter with hours in the car or a busy young mom constantly doing laundry, let me suggest an audio bible.  If you are now imagining being seduced to sleep on the highway, let me suggest “The Word of Promise.”  It is my absolute favorite audio Bible out there. You can hear a clip at the link above.  

Memorization:

Best Bible Verses for Kids

Whether you are actually looking to help your kids learn basic Bible facts and verses, or looking to meditate on the beautiful word of God, these printable are perfect.  We just printed them out on card stock, clipped them together, and away we went.  Leave them on the kitchen table to be recited after breakfast, or tuck them in the dashboard to be worked on on the way to school.  

Scripture Typer

Flip books not your thing?  Grab your smartphone and download the free app, “Scripture typer.”  I haven’t tried it myself but the reviews were phenomenal.   As you click, the app allows one word at a time to appear to help you check and see if you are getting the verse right.  It also has a mechanism to review the verses you have been working on.  

Prayer: 

Echo (Google Play) (iTunes)

This really neat app lets you not only organize and store your prayer list but also it will send you push notifications to remind you to pray.   See our review here.

Podcasts:

Radically Christian Q&A

I have been enjoying the Radically Christian Q&A. The minister at the Baker’s Heights Church of Christ once a week spends 2 minutes (literally) answering a question a listener sent in.   

Radically Christian CrossTalk 

Radically Christian also puts out another podcast called CrossTalk.  We’ve reviewed this podcast before but it basically it is a spiritual conversation between several men of the congregation.  Check out a full review here.

For Women By Women

The congregation where I worship here in Wyoming has a rich archive of answered questions, recorded sermons and classes including a few of our ladies’ class.

Spiritual Reboot—Helene →

Spiritual Reboot

I love the gym.  I love the spiritual disciplines too. I love them both the same way.  Sporadically.

Seriously, in the long-term, discipline has been a powerful component in my walk with God. It does more for my spiritual health than exercise does for my physical health.  I appreciate them all the more because I can see so clearly how empty, tempted and tired I am without them. 

If you are a little uncertain what I mean by “spiritual disciplines,” I can’t blame you.  It’s not a Bible-term nor necessarily a familiar term to most American Christians.  But we all want to be growing in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ, exhibiting the fruit of the Spirit, and becoming the holy righteous people God has declared us to be.  Spiritual disciplines are how we accomplish that; they are the way our minds are renewed in God’s service.  

To put it simply, we are talking about a daily plan for living out these verses:

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.   Philippians 4:4-9

I know all that; you probably do too.  However, I’ve not been doing great.  Not to say that I haven’t been reading my Bible.  I have.  But it has been more along the lines of writing and teaching and less along the lines of reading for personal growth.  I’ve been praying too.  The fall on your face and beg God for help kind.  (With a generous helping of the “Lord could you do something about this crazy world?  But nothing too disastrous!?” kind).  Not the quiet on-going kind that sustains joy. 

That’s what the spiritual disciplines are all about.  Sustaining our connection with God. We find that connection in his law, his testimony, his precepts, his fear and his commands. They are more desirable than gold, yes, than much fine gold. Sweeter also than honey and the drippings of the honeycomb-Psalm 19:10  Prayer can be more than a spiritual 911.  It can be daily, moment by moment communication with God. Pray without ceasing -1 Thessalonians 5:17. Meditation can be more than a habit we read about in the Psalms. “And I will meditate on Your statutes.  It can become the way that the word lingers in our minds, the way we mull it over and let it infuse every moment of our day.  We can learn to fast as well as feast.  We can learn to say no to our bodies and minds, so that we can say yes to God.

The whole point of this little tale is that I need a reboot on my plan.

Don't want the Blue Screen of Death. 

January 1st is coming, and while I am not making “resolutions,” I have a pair of long-term goals that I will be working on.  I have a log on my computer and I am going to be holding myself accountable.  Not only will I be recording the days I make it to the gym and the exercise I get outside but I will be marking down the time I spend reading my bible, praying and filling my mind with other good things. 

Do you need a reboot too?  Let’s do it! I am including a worksheet below and hope that you will fill it in and spend time with God every day starting today.  On Monday I will have a list of resources up to help you as try out the different disciplines and decide on a plan!

Helene

Transformation: Renewing our minds

1. Which Disciplines will I incorporate? (Prayer, Bible Reading, Meditation, Memorization, Fasting, Silence)

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

2. When am I going to do this? (Time of day, days a week)

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

3. What is my short term goal?  (establish a habit of praying every morning, read the Bible through in a year, read Proverbs this month, fast 1x a week)

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

4. Who will hold me accountable? How will I stay in contact with them? (Meet once a week for coffee, check in by text every day after I pray, compare prayer journals before Sunday School starts)

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

5. When will I start?  What materials do I need? (a notebook, a Bible, a new app on the phone)

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Praising God is Theology! —Helene

What does it mean to praise God?  If you are imagining voices lifted in song, a man sitting alone with a fishing pole meditating and watching the sunrise, or a relieved parent telling everyone about their blessings when they discover their child is indeed cancer-free you are on the right track.  However this is the expression of praise not the source of it. The person who is singing God’s praises is using words that express one of the many amazing things we know about God.  The man who contemplates the sunrise praises God as one who created all and declared it good.  The parent who tells the doctors, the nurses, and everyone in the waiting room how God has blessed her praises God as the one who answers prayers and sustains his people in their darkest moments. 

Last Friday’s post was all about praise-what it does and when we do it.  Imagining ourselves in any of the above situations, it’s easy to imagine praise falling from our lips.  But as we learned last week, the people of God were prepared to praise God not just in those easy moments but in emergencies, in times of fear, and in suffering.  

How can we do that?  By being better theologians.  Theology is simply the study of God, and if we are students of God’s heart and his character, then we too are theologians.  
 

Praising God is theology. 

 That’s a strange sentiment but true.   Focusing on who God is and the awesome things he has done enriches our praise when singing them is easy, and it enables our praise when exalting Him is hard. The Psalmists understood this better than anyone.  Let’s see what they had to say.

1. “Holy is He” God is different from us.  Set apart from us.  Not like us at all.  We struggle with a powerful enough metaphor to explain the point. We are all the same-flesh and blood.  Food goes in, poo goes out. Crass, crude, sinners every one of us.  And he is transcendent Spirit; he is eternally sinless even when he became a human being.

Exalt the LORD our God

 And worship at His footstool

 Holy is He. 

Psalm 99:5

2. The wise creator- Not only is God our creator, but he is responsible for all the mysteries and wonders of the universe.  He made the sea and its creatures great and small.  He set the calendar based on astronomical phenomenon.  He feeds the wild creatures according to the systems of our world.  Endless years of study produce a man who understands one or two disciplines of science, say physics or genetics, but God holds all that knowledge in his head.  He created worlds with a word and sustains the universe every moment. 

How many are your works, Lord!

In wisdom you made them all;

the earth is full of your creatures.

 Psalm 104:24

3. Unfailingly faithful-God was true to the promises he made to Abraham, to Moses, and to David. He honored his covenant when he rescued Israel from Egypt and when he conquered the land in front of her. Even when Israel was best compared to a wife prostituting herself while her family languished at home, He was faithful (Psalm 105). In our world personal happiness is an excuse for abandoning any vow, self-interest trumps every promise and corruption plagues leaders in business, the military, and government.  And yet no matter how faithless we are, God is ever faithful. 

He remembers his covenant forever,

the promise he made, for a thousand generations

Psalm 105:8

4. Victorious deliverer-God himself led the armies of Israel.  He destroyed enemy nations through astonishing miracles and powerful leaders (think Joshua, Gideon, and David).  He is still our deliverer, our army’s leader, and our King. We, the kingdom of God, will still be victorious against all our enemies as long as we fight his battles. 

Oh give us help against the adversary

       For deliverance by man is in vain.

      Through God we will do valiantly,

            And it is He who shall tread down our adversaries.

Psalms 108:12-13

5. Character- God declared himself to be compassionate, gracious, slow to anger and full of mercy and faithfulness.  He is everything we always wished we could be.  He is the friend and Father we always wished we had. The Psalmists came back to the character of God again and again in praise.

The LORD is compassionate and gracious,

            Slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness.

Psalm 103:8

Praise is an inherently practical art. This is a lesson the Psalmists knew intimately.  They turned to God in praise in every circumstance good and bad.  Like them, I find that what I need is what God has in abundance.  I need wisdom, and he is the creator.  I need hope, and he treads down our adversaries.  I need someone who will keep his promises no matter what, someone who will never let me down; that is the God I serve. When the never-ending ugly ordinariness of the world mires me down, I need to know that God is holy, set-apart and perfect.

Today we took just a few highlights from the Psalms.  But if you really want to learn to praise, let me suggest beginning today to pray a psalm a day and let them teach you theology-the language of praise.

Praise the Lord! —Helene

Praise the Lord!

I love Ladies Bible Class.  For nearly a year, I’ve had the pleasure of teaching a class that encompasses women who have walked with God for many years, baby Christians and women who are seeking God.  I love the class for the fellowship, the joy of studying the Bible, and because my “students” teach me things all the time. 

For instance, recently I wanted to teach a lesson on the power of prayer.  I pulled out some of my favorite Old Testament prayers for examples.  I had them lined up: Nehemiah’s prayer when he wanted God to help gain the King’s favor to rebuild the wall of Jerusalem; Hezekiah’s prayer when he spread that blasphemous letter from Assyria in front of God and insisted that God uphold his good name; Daniel’s bold prayer with his Hebrew brothers that stopped the murder of the wise men and gave the King the answer he asked for.  I had so many lovely lessons we could learn from these brave prayer warriors. 

When we finished the lesson, I asked them, “What stands out to you about these prayers?”  And they piped up, “Praise. All these prayers start with praise.”  I was stunned by their point.  Think about it.   None of these men were sitting around with nothing better to do, watching a sunrise or contemplating a mountain range.  Daniel was facing his executioner and Hezekiah an enemy army. This is the perfect opportunity to stop and praise God?

Apparently, yes.  Yet our tongues stutter a bit over praise.

To praise God is to acknowledge who He is.  This is quite a bit different from thanking Him.  

Think about it this way:  We praise our husband when we say, “You are so kindhearted.  I love the way you listen so carefully to the kids in your Bible class.”  We thank our husband when we say, “Hey, thank you so much for doing the dishes tonight.”  Although doing the dishes was probably an expression of his kindheartedness, thanking him and praising him aren’t the same.  Moreover we praise our husband to others, for example, “He is such an honest guy; I never have to worry if he’s telling me the truth.”

It seems to me that thanks to God comes easier to our tongues than praise.

For example, finish this statement, “Thank you Lord for…” Easy right, “Thank you Lord for our food, for my family, for my health, for my good job…”  Much of our thanksgiving is focused on the physical blessings that God has given us.  Praise on the other hand acknowledges who God is-merciful, holy, mighty, just, powerful, creator, and king. 

Maybe we struggle to praise God because we simply don’t know enough about him.  Our thanksgiving is based on what we know intimately-our blessings.  Praise is the plain expression of everything we know about God-our theology. Thus if we find our tongues stilled, it may be that we simply don’t know him well enough.  

We also struggle to praise God the way we should, because we don’t understand what praise does.  

It is the answer to the question: How do we transfer our faith to our children? says, 

One generation shall praise Your works to another, And shall declare Your mighty acts. (Psalm 145:4)

It’s the way that evangelism is done.

And Your godly ones shall bless You.

      They shall speak of the glory of Your kingdom

            And talk of Your power;

      To make known to the sons of men Your mighty acts

            And the glory of the majesty of Your kingdom. (Psalm 145:10-12)

It may also be that we struggle to praise God because we simply don’t know enough about him.  Our thanksgiving is based on what we know intimately-our blessings.  Praise is the plain expression of everything we know about God-our theology. Thus if we find our tongues stilled, it may be that we simply don’t know him well enough.  

I left my Bible class in a bit of a fog.  I headed straight to my Bible to learn more. I think that’s what we all need, to go to the Psalms and see what they praise the Lord for.  That’s how we can oil our tongues and like the heroes of yesteryear be ready in the most desperate circumstances to praise the Lord. In fact, that’s what we’ll be working on Monday-so be sure and come back to read more!

Helene

No Room for Reindeer —Helene

No Room For Reindeer

Today the world is getting me down.  Outside are the terrorists. Inside we have people who react to the violence of a few by hating the many. There are sorrows closer to home - loved ones with cancer, believers who seem to be slipping away, evangelism that failed, and divorce and marital strife among those I care about.   I didn’t want to plan Christmas posts.  I didn’t want to think about December.  My mood is black.  There is no room for reindeer.

I suspect I am not the only one suffering so.

Yet Christmas is around the corner.  Does the holiday have anything to say to us, those who are struggling to find the spirit of the season?

Oh yes.

Think about the story of Jesus birth.  He wasn’t born into a world of light.  Roman occupation weighed heavily on the Jews.  A former nation of slaves, they longed to once again be free. The local king of the Jews, Herod the Great, had proven no friend.  Although he spent a fortune rebuilding the temple and establishing himself as a Jewish King, he was in fact a paranoid dictator, murdering a number of family members in a rage including his wife and brother-in-law.  This world of darkness was a place where Essenes escaped into caves and Zealots plotted the downfall of Rome. 

This is the world where a hugely pregnant Mary traveled with Joseph south to Bethlehem to be taxed.  In poverty, they waited with the cows for her first-born son to come into the world.  It was here where Angels appeared to shepherds in the night and proclaimed this:

“Do not be afraid; for behold I bring you good news of great joy which will be for all the people; for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.  This will be a sign for you; you will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

It was into that darkness that these bold words were spoken by the armies of heaven. 

“Glory to God in the highest, 

And on earth peace among men with whom He is pleased.”

Jesus did not come into a world of peace, grace and civility.  In his day, leaders were corrupt and morally bankrupt, the people were oppressed, and the religious factions battled each other rather than convert the lost.  Jesus came in a world just like ours.  The angel’s good news of great joy remains: Jesus is light, hope and life for our darkness too.

I may not be ready for reindeer, or blinking lights, or jingling bells.  Reality might intrude on the fantasy that is all things “Holiday” in America.  Yet I am ready for Jesus.  I am ready for the one who is light in the darkness, peace in the midst of strife, reconciliation among enemies, and love that defeated hate in death.  I may not be ready to “Deck the halls with boughs of Holly” but I am ready to join the herald angels in song. 

Hail the heav'n-born Prince of Peace!
Hail the Son of Righteousness!
Light and life to all He brings
Ris'n with healing in His wings
Mild He lays His glory by
Born that man no more may die
Born to raise the sons of earth
Born to give them second birth
Hark! The herald angels sing
"Glory to the newborn King!"

Helene

PS.  In an effort to focus on Jesus this Christmas I wrote a series of meditations on his arrival into the world.  Join us next week for all four!

For a child will be born to us, a son will be given to us; And the government will rest on His shoulders; And His name will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Eternal Father, Prince of Peace. Isaiah 9:6

“A child will be born to us, a son will be given to us;”   When my husband and I got married, we knew that the chances of us having children of our own was very slim.  We were resigned to the idea of a tidy life without the joys that child-filled Christmases bring. So when despite all medical powers of prediction, we discovered we were pregnant with our oldest child, we understood what joy could be in the words “A child will be born to us.”  

In some amazing and powerful way, Israel was pregnant (Revelation 12:1-6).  She would eventually give birth to the much longed for son.  This was the child of promise the people had been waiting for since God promised Abraham “In your seed all the nations of the earth shall be blessed, because you have obeyed My voice” (Genesis 22:18). 

We mustn’t read over the words too quickly.  This baby had been longed for not for 10 years but for thousands.  He wasn’t coming to complete an ordinary family but the numerous-as-the-stars-family of Abraham.  He is the longed for son not only of Israel but all the nations. Isaiah sends out the world’s most joyful pregnancy announcement-“For a child will be born to us!”

Helene

Do you hear what I hear? —Melissa

2000 years ago, some shepherds heard a message. 

Do not be afraid; for behold, I bring you good news of great joy which will be for all the people; for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger. (Luke 2:10-12)

The lowly shepherds believed it was good news and did what the angels told them, finding the baby savior and then sharing what they knew. 

Not long after, a king heard the same news, but his response was very different.  When the mighty Herod the Great learned that the Messiah had been born, instead of rejoicing for the Savior, he felt threatened by the idea of another “king of the Jews.” He didn’t worship the newly incarnated son of God; he tried to have him murdered(Matthew 2:12-18) .

Fast forward about 30 years.  The baby Savior is now grown to a man, and news about him has spread all over the land.  He is best known as a teacher, and his lessons are about the coming kingdom of God. Remarkably, the responses to his message haven’t changed a lot.  Some choose to come and see what he’s all about, become his disciples and then tell others. Fishermen, tax collectors, prostitutes, Zealots, prominent women, soldiers, even a few religious leaders.  They are a diverse crowd, but they all have one thing in common.  They knew their need for a Savior, and they heard his message for hope.  One and all, the lowly ones knew they couldn’t be good enough for God and reached for the man who told them they didn’t have to be. 

The priests, scribes and Pharisees heard the same message, but like Herod, they felt threatened.  Jesus turned over tables in the temple, spoke of the temple being destroyed, and called them all a brood of vipers.  He pointed out their hypocrisy and implied in parable after parable that the lowly ones following him were greater than they (Luke 18:9-14, Matthew 21:28-41, Luke 14:16-24).  When he told them that it is the sick who need the doctor, they were tragically unaware of how ill they were.  So with the help of the Romans, they did what Herod was unable to do and murdered Jesus.  Of course, they were only able to do so because Jesus sacrificed himself in order to save all who would follow him. 

That’s the good news we have today, the message that you and I can respond to. 

Moreover, brethren, I declare to you the gospel which I preached to you, which also you received and in which you stand, by which also you are saved, if you hold fast that word which I preached to you--unless you believed in vain. For I delivered to you first of all that which I also received: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, and that He was buried, and that He rose again the third day according to the Scriptures, (1 Corinthians 15:1-4)

Today, Jesus’s message is the same.  He brings us good news of great joy about a kingdom that he wants us to be a part of.   We have the same choice that Herod and the shepherds, the disciples and the religious leaders had.  We can hear his message of good news and come to him humbly, knowing how much we need a Savior.  Or we can feel threatened, knowing that we have to give up self and sin to follow him, and reject him and his message.

So my question to you in this Christmas season is simple: Do you hear what I hear?

The Day Cancer Ate My Blog Post—Melissa →

The Day Cancer Ate My Blog Post

For November, Helene and I wanted to do a few weeks on praise and Thanksgiving.  When I was thinking of what to write, I wanted to go beyond thanking God for our blessings (a good thing to do) and speak about being thankful for our trials (a hard thing to do).  



I had several verses picked out to show that we are indeed supposed to be grateful for everything, including suffering. (Romans 5:3-5; 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18; James 1:2-4; 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 if you are interested) It would have been a scripturally accurate blog post.  And it would have been sterile.  Empty.  I would have been speaking from the Bible with very little personal experience.  

However, since I began to think about being grateful for our trials, two close family members of mine have been struck with cancer.  

Struck.  That’s the right word.  It feels like a blow to them and to me.  It takes away my breath and leaves me hurting all over.  I’m supposed to be thankful for that?  

I don’t have deep thoughts to share with you today.  All I can share are my broken, imperfect prayers to a God who still loves me.  

Father, in the midst of my pain, I know you still love me.  I know you still love my family.  Cancer cannot take that away.  Thank you for your love.  God, I don’t want to be grateful for cancer.  I don’t want my loved ones to have it. I wish it didn’t exist, and I can’t imagine working myself up to being thankful for the disease itself.  I’m sorry.  But I know I can find some other things to be grateful to you for in this time.  

Thank you, Lord, that I have had these people in my life for so long.  Thank you for the influence they have been on my life and the inspiration they continue to be. 

Thank you for medical advances that will allow my family members to have a fighting chance at continued life in your service.  

Thank you for prayer. And thank you for all the people who love me who are praying for my loved ones because they love me.

Thank you for salvation, and for the knowledge that even if this life on earth ends, it is not the end of life.  I selfishly want my family close by as long as you will let them stay, Lord, but I also know that even if they leave this earth, I will see them again one day in a place where cancer will not exist. 

Thank you for your Word, and for the comfort it gives me in times of trial.  

Thank you for drawing me closer to you during times of suffering. I know my prayers are stronger and my reading of the Bible more than routine now. If I could take away all the pain right now, I would.  I don’t want it, but there is a part of me that knows that at some point I will be able to look back at this season of tribulation and know that it deepened my character.

Lord, maybe someday I will look back on this and see more good that has come from cancer.  Maybe I will be able to comfort someone else going through a similar trial.  Maybe our family will be even closer than it is now.  Maybe a lost soul will come to you.  Right now, though, all I really want is for them to be healed.  In the meantime, I will trust you because I know you still love them just like you love me.  In Jesus name, Amen.

Melissa

Learning to Say Yes—Melissa →

Learning to Say Yes

Every once in a while, we have a post here on Maidservants of Christ that is rated PG-13 for adult situations.  This is one such post.  If you normally let your child read over your shoulder, you might want to save this one for a more private setting.

I was raised a “good girl.” Brought up in church, I got the yearly lessons about sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Being a people pleaser and rule follower from the start, I generally followed the guidelines given to me (except the rock and roll part – I couldn’t stay away from Elvis!). Like many Christian girls with this background, I took a certain pride in my sexual purity.  I was a virgin until I was married, and I’ve only ever been with my husband. I may struggle with other sins, but sexual sin is not a problem! 

Or is it?

photo credit: via photopin (license)

While American Christian culture succeeded in keeping me and many girls from my generation pure until marriage, it failed in teaching us to enjoy (yes, I said enjoy!) sex with our husbands as God intended.  As a result, I carried a lot of inhibitions into my marriage.  I’ve often thought, “If it weren’t for sex, our relationship would be perfect.” There have been times since our wedding where my husband has felt rejected, and I have not always acted as if my body belongs to him. We’ve had “dry spells” that had nothing to do with sickness or childbirth, and they were not his choice.  I committed sexual sin! 

Although talking about sex is a big taboo in Christian culture, I know I’m not the only Christian woman to have faced this problem.  So when Jay Dee from sexwithinmarriage.com asked us to take a look at his online course “Becoming More Sexually Engaged – for Christian Wives,” I agreed eagerly. Through his website, Jay provides anonymous Christian marriage coaching (not counseling), and one theme he had noticed over and over from women who came to him with questions is that many wanted to know how to be more sexually engaged (that is, more receptive to sex and less inhibited).  In order to help more women at a time, he wrote this online course with input from his wife, Christina.  The course (composed of 30 lessons in 9 “modules”) is intended to let women see things from a man’s point of view, not a woman’s idea of a man’s point of view (more on that later).

Once I got past the discomfort of reading about sex, I found the content of the course to be impressive.  Wherever possible, the lessons are grounded in Scripture.  Not only does he use the expected verses from Song of Solomon, 1 Corinthians 7, and Genesis 1, but he also uses Scripture to encourage wives to make time for sex with their husbands or to be comfortable being naked in front of them.  He never used the Bible as a club, though. There was no sense of “guilting” women into being more sexually receptive to their husbands.

On the contrary, the more scientific sections helped me to understand some of the reasons that God would tell wives not to deny their husbands sex.  Remember what I said about “a woman’s idea of a man’s point of view?” I always assumed a man’s desire for sex was largely physical, but the course taught me that my husband wants intimacy because he wants to feel connected to me. Oxytocin, the bonding hormone, is one that women produce fairly easily and have in abundance.  Men have much lower levels, but they peak at, well, a sexual peak.  They also go back down to a normal low level much more quickly in men then in women.  In other words, while women want to feel connected before having sex, men want to have sex in order to feel connected, and the more often sex happens, the more connected they feel. The up side for women is that when a man feels more connected, he is more likely to do those things for his wife that make her feel loved.

In addition to helping me understand my husband more, the course was useful in its wealth of practical suggestions. Er, not THAT kind of practical.  If you are looking for those kind of bedroom tips, you’ll have to look elsewhere!  But if you want to know, for instance, how to learn to communicate about sex or how to overcome fear/embarrassment in initiating sex with your husband, these lessons have a lot of good practical skills to teach.  My favorite tips were the ones for “switching gears and getting excited about sex” because after a long day with three children, physical intimacy is often the last thing I want.

Each module gives you a chance to put these suggestions into practice with a “challenge,” something you should do to be more sexually engaged in your marriage.  If you do the course as suggested, you wouldn’t move to the next subject until you have worked up to the completing the challenge.  The author has said that most women taking the course take 2-3 months to work through all the challenges.*

As a teenager, I hated the yearly “don’t have sex” lesson.  As a young married woman, I wish this course had been available to me much earlier. Wives need to hear “please have sex” as much or more than teenagers need to hear the negative lesson.  Sexual sin comes in many forms and can affect marriages drastically. If you are a wife struggling with being sexually engaged in your marriage, I would recommend this course.  Click HERE to access the course. For the next week (until November 11), if you use the coupon code MaidServantsofChrist, you can get the course at the reduced rate of $50.**  For the rest of November, it is on sale for $70. The regular cost is $100.  Now that may sound like a lot for an online course, but in terms of marriage help, it is cheaper than counseling.  If the sexual side of your marriage remains troubled for long, you may end up in the counselor’s office.  I think it is well worth the money to deal with the issue now.

Melissa

*When you finish the regular lessons, you will receive an email with a link for some downloadable bonus material.  Fair warning: the language in one and subject material in the other may be objectionable to many of our readers. 

**This is an affiliate link.  Maidservants of Christ will receive a small commission if you order from this link.  We would never endorse something we didn’t fully believe in for any amount of money.

"I am my Beloved's, and His Desire is for Me"—Melissa →

"I am my Beloved's, and His Desire is for Me"

Most of the time, our posts here at Maidservants of Christ are perfectly appropriate for readers of all ages.  But today in our series on marriage, we'll be speaking of the more intimate parts of the marriage relationship.  If your child likes to read over your shoulder, today might be the day to read in your room.  As a follow up to our review of the e-course "Becoming More Sexually Engaged - For Christian wives," here is a reprint of the Make a Difference Monday post on the same topic that first got us in contact with the author of the course. 

When I was preparing to get married 13 years ago, one of the lessons that was pounded into my brain from many different sources is that love and marriage are hard work, and I couldn't expect the infatuation I'd enjoyed for our 2 years of courtship to last.  That's all well and good, but somehow I got "infatuation" and "passion" all mixed up.  So as the years went by and we had children, I thought it perfectly natural that sex was happening less often.  It's to be expected, right?  Girls, that's not okay. 

The Bible has a lot to say about sex.  Understandable, since God created and ordained it.  The very first commandment given to Adam and Eve was to "be fruitful and multiply."  That only happens one way, folks.  Lest we think that God only created sex for reproduction, though, the Bible has other places that talk about the joys of marital activities. The Proverbs writer says this:

Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love. Proverbs 5:18-19. 

That doesn't sound like sex's only function is to make babies. That sounds like sex is supposed to be fun! Not only is it fun, but regular sex is a command for married couples.  In 1 Corinthians, Paul states plainly that we are not to deprive one another except for prayer, and that our bodies don't even belong to ourselves but to our spouses (1 Corinthians 7:2-5).

And let's not forget that one book of the Bible actually centers around married sex.  Even if you hold fast to the idea that Song of Solomon is an allegory of Christ and the Church, you can't deny that the plain words of the book are a graphic description of a human marriage in all its glory.  

Recently I read a book about marriage (The Top 10 Most Outrageous Couples in the Bible, by David Clarke) that pointed out an example of sexual rejection and its consequences in Song of Solomon (5:2-9).  The author went on to say that sexual rejection is a very painful thing. "When one spouse consistently says no to sex, the rejected spouse is deeply wounded. And the marriage is deeply wounded. The rejected spouse feels angry, terribly frustrated, hurt, humiliated, and betrayed." Ouch.  Suddenly, a decrease in sexual passion is a very serious thing. 

So how do we fix it?  As busy moms who may not have the raging desire for sex that we once had, how can we bring the passion back to our marriages?  I have done some reading, from the book mentioned above and other Christian sources, and I've found a few things that we can do to make sure that sex is not only more regular, but more fun.

• Schedule sex.  I know it sounds terribly unromantic, but the reality is that spontaneous sex is not likely to happen for couples with busy schedules and multiple children.  Your husband would rather have sex that is scheduled than not have it at all because you neglected to make time for it.

• Mentally prepare. Your husband is likely ready for sex all times, but we ladies need to be in the right mental and emotional state.  We can't put all the responsibility for that on our husbands.  Clarke mentions that Shulamith in the Song of Solomon thinks positive things about Solomon even when he's not around.  She fantasizes about him to prepare herself for sex with him.  We can do the same. 

• Physically prepare.  I don't know about you, but there are places on me that don't smell so good by the end of the day.  Even if we don't have time to take a full shower, we can do a spot clean to make our bodies ready for our husbands.

• Start talking.  Perhaps our husband need this message more than we do, but foreplay can begin before the clothes come off.  Instead of going from TV to sex or parenting to sex, take some time to have deep conversation about your day. Include compliments and gratitude to your husband.  Emotional connections make for better physical connections, especially for us ladies.

• Keep talking. Once the night's activities are underway, let him know what you like and listen to what he likes.  I'm not suggesting a ton of chatter, just open communication about what feels good to you.

• Shake it up. Sex should never feel routine. If you are doing the same things every time, try something new next time. And that's all I'm going to say about that.

• Buy a bedroom lock. 'Nuff said.

• Be careful of your sources.  I like resources, but if you are looking on the internet for ways to spice up your sex life, please be careful.  It is very easy to stumble onto sites that are in no way holy.  A few places I've found that are dedicated to married Christian sex are www.sexwithinmarriage.com and www.themarriagebed.com.  They'll not link to anything pornographic, but the frank discussions are not prudish.

• You don't have to feel like it.  One of the best gifts you can give your husband is the gift of sex when you aren't "in the mood." If it is scheduled and you aren't sick or exhausted, don't say no simply because you don't feel like it.  Meh sex is better than no sex for your husband. It doesn't have to be spectacular for you every time. It's like lunch. Everyone NEEDS to eat. Nobody is necessarily like "OH! A peanut butter sandwich sounds so much better than lobster." But if you're hungry, a quick peanut butter sandwich every day for lunch beats starving with a fine dish of lobster once a week.

• Consider birth control other than the pill. Studies have shown that birth control pills can put a serious damper on a woman's libido.  If you still need birth control, consider other methods. 

• Know when you need help. We have only looked at relatively small sexual problems in a marriage, but we all know there are much bigger issues.  Pornography addiction, adultery, and a history of sexual abuse are all things that Christian couples sometimes have to deal with. Start2finish.com  has a long series of podcasts dealing with pornography. On happyhealthyholyhome.com, Chantelle has a series aimed at women who may have difficulty enjoying sex. Some problems though, will require professional help.  Please be careful to choose a Christian counselor. 

The Bible is clear that regular sex is not something that should stop in a marriage just because we have hit forty or have three kids. I'll not try to define "regular," but I will say that if you have said no to your husband more than you've said yes, that's a problem.  If he's stopped asking, it's an even bigger problem.  Keeping our husbands happy in bed is a command, but it shouldn't be an onerous one.  We can enjoy it every bit as much as they do.  I'm not saying we shouldn't do it if it isn't fun.  I'm saying that if we do the things listed above, we can enjoy being the wife God created us to be.

Melissa

Every Day a Birthday—Melissa →

Every Day a Birthday

My husband had a birthday recently.  Since our birthdays are close together, we had gone on one big date in lieu of gifts. (Dates are precious when you have three children!). However, I still wanted his day to special.  Earlier in the week, I made a birthday cake and prepared the custard for homemade ice cream.  On his birthday, I was sure to get up early enough to make his breakfast and get the ice cream freezer going.  I hummed happily as I thought about the homemade manicotti I would make later.  My husband repeated an oft heard (but never true) statement: “You’re too good to me.” I retorted, “Maybe, but I enjoy doing things for you.” That’s when it hit me.

I WAS enjoying my plans for his special day, but I don’t act like I enjoy doing things for him all the time. Instead, I often wonder what he is going to do for me.  “What if I treated every day like it was his birthday?” I thought.  Not necessarily with cake and a gourmet meal, but by treating him special, by doing the little things he likes more often.

At first it sounded silly, pretending it was always his birthday.  How exhausting!  But then I remembered that while it can’t be his birthday all the time, every day does have the potential to be his last on earth.  Or mine.  Now, I don’t mean to be maudlin here, just Biblically realistic.  The truth is, neither of us is promised a tomorrow.

Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit." Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. Instead, you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we will live and also do this or that." But as it is, you boast in your arrogance; all such boasting is evil. Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin. James 4:13-17

I’ve always thought of this passage in reference to big plans, like vacations or jobs.  But it seems to me that it can apply to our everyday relationships too.  I can’t plan to be kind to my husband tomorrow because he may not be here.  When I know the right thing to do - the right words to say when he’s had a bad day, the right reaction to hurtful words, the little things that make him happy – and I don’t do them, it is sin.  And it is sin that I could regret for the rest of my life.

The same is true of all our relationships.  Our children, our lost friends, our brothers and sisters in Christ, all are vapors just as we are.  They aren’t promised another day.  Let’s treat each moment as if we won’t get another chance to be kind. Or, if you prefer, pretend it’s everyone’s birthday every day. 

Melissa

Equal Partners—Helene →

Equal Partners

I have two girls, an elementary-aged homeschooler and a teen in public school.  I tell them both (ad nauseum) “Don’t even DATE anyone who doesn’t love Jesus more than you.”  You may believe I am an old stick in the mud, but it is actually the adventure of living with God that has convinced me more than anything else of the wisdom of this idea.

For every woman who follows God, two things should be true.  First, she is a soldier in the army of the Lord.  He calls, she goes.  Second, she must be faithful in the circumstances of her life. 1 Corinthians 7 speaks to this powerfully.

This leads us to two possible conclusions.  Young men and women can chose to be soldiers first and soldiers only.  They can live celibate single lives with the aim of being free from entanglement, so they can go and serve God at a moment’s notice in any situation. Paul recommends this lifestyle in part because of the crisis of persecution his readers were facing. (1 Corinthians 7:7)

The second possible conclusion is that young men and women of faith can pair up.  If they both long to be of service in God’s Kingdom, they can be partners in their work.

This partnership extends to every arena.   Each can take turns with things like child care so the other can teach a Bible class.  They can go together on mission trips.  She can provide the hospitality, and he can provide the lesson, and between them they can be amazingly effective evangelists.  Not only are they both blessed in their “external” work but they are partners at home as well.  From family devotionals to family mission trips, child-rearing with two parents wholly dedicated to God is an adventure of its own.  A couple like this can pray and walk through any door God opens.

Unfortunately what I see happen on a fairly regular basis is a mental disconnect.  The ideas of being available to God and mate selection simply aren’t connected.  When these young women date, fall in love with, and marry men who aren’t committed to the Lord, they soon find themselves not only unsupported as Christian mothers but hampered as Christian workers altogether. 

The other day at the Senior Center where I volunteer, I walked past a flyer looking for volunteers to teach a class.  I called the number, and I’ll be teaching a ladies Bible class there in November.  The class will take up (with travel time, visiting etc) about 2 hours a week.  The preparations will take another couple of hours.  To my husband it is no big deal.  He supports me in my work just like I support him in his.  We prayed for more opportunities in our community; God provided, and I get to teach.  This would have been more difficult without my husband’s wholehearted commitment to God. 

However, there was a time when the answer to our prayers wasn’t a class at the senior center but a house church in a developing country.  The adventure God had in mind was selling everything we owned and spending the better part of a decade abroad.  He blessed us in a more ways than we can count, financially, physically, and in a fruitful work and growing family. But can you imagine that adventure if only one of us really wanted to serve God?  Impossible. 

Today I am talking to mothers and young women.  Mothers because what you tell your daughter to look for in a mate matters.  Young women because one of the men you date will become your spouse.   (If, on the other hand, you are already married to a man who isn’t a Christian, please don’t imagine that God doesn’t have work for you to do.  He does.  And the first of it is to be faithful in the responsibilities right in front of you. See 1 Corinthians 7:17-24 for more information.)

There are other reasons and scriptures that we could look to talk about the wisdom of marrying a faithful believer (2 Corinthians 6:14-18).  Yet I think this one reason is enough.  More than anything I want to be right in the middle of the awesome work God is doing in the world. In my living room, down the street or around the world, I want to be ready.  I have been blessed beyond measure to have an equal partner-a husband who follows God with all his heart, and I hope the Kingdom has been blessed by our work in the Father's service.  If you urge your daughters to genuine wholehearted service to God, urge them to find mates who mean to do the same!

Helene

The Only Happy Wife—Helene →

The Only Happy Wife

This post dates from several years ago but seemed to be a perfect way to end our mini-series on marriage. I am thrilled to share with you that the dear daughter in this story is now our sister in Christ.  

Recently I sat at the kitchen table and had a belly-laugh with my husband.  The two of us are sometimes like conjoined twins.  Except backwards.  Two bodies, one brain with the same bizarre sense of humor.  I could try to explain the joke; it was all about prayer, confession and this book we've been reading, but I assure you it would fall flat. Snorting, I laid my head down on the kitchen table catching a glance of my eldest daughter rolling her eyes at her crazy parents. 

You might suspect us of irreverence, but it's actually pain transformed into humor.  These days our relationship has gained a lot from sharing a laugh at the hard times.  We've struggled together with our rebellious hearts.  We've laughed together so we didn't cry over how to discipline the 4 year old without losing our minds.  We've read books together and talked over the theology.  We've read the Bible together and learned from each other.  We've always been happy but our happiness is deeply grounded these days.

Why do I bring it up?  Because of another conversation, one that was devoid of all humor.  There's a girl in our lives.  A little too old to be one of our children and too young to be our little sister.  She's precious to us. Her own father died long ago; my husband was the first man of integrity, kindness, and grace in her life. She calls him "Captain" in memory of the Walt Whitman poem.   When she's having trouble with work, study, boys, or life, she'll call and ask for him, just like I call and talk to my Dad.  

She's visiting these days and we were out shopping together.  She took my arm, leaned on my shoulder and sighed, "You're the only happy wife I know."

She looked around at the important women in her life, family members, coworkers, a boss she's close to, and found that they are all miserable in their marriages. Each one of them has been a role model for her. Strong women one and all, they differ in other respects such as money, education and prestige.  Among them, I am the only happy wife.  I asked her, "Are they happy (in general)?" And the answer came back, "No".  Not only am I the only happy wife, I am the only happy girl. 

I'll be talking to her the next couple of days.  What to say?  She's not yet a Christian, so the advice I give my girls and my mom gave me, "Find a man who loves Jesus and loves you," doesn't quite ring true.

Her other female mentors had this advice. "Be careful in your marriage!"  I agree with them wholeheartedly; our marriage partner helps to determine our destiny.  I added, "Be careful with your marriage!"  Marriages are fragile and easily broken.  

I pointed out to her the need for mutual submission in marriage. There's a reason that Ephesians 5:21 begins the passage on love and respect with the admonition to submit to each other.  Or take Philippians 2 which bases unity in putting others ahead of ourselves in imitation of our Savior.   It's one of the keys to a happy marriage.   I said, "Sometimes I give in, sometimes Captain does."

"Compromise?" she asked.     

"Sometimes there's no compromise.  We just have to put the other person first."  I replied. "No one can have their way all the time."

"You give in to Captain!" she said with a glint in her eye.  She's observed my attempts at submission incredulously for years.  

"Nope, more often Captain sees what I want and gives in to me.  He loves me you know." Her eyes softened. 

I'm not sure what else to say.  I don't know how to explain that its the sharing that's the thing.  We've shared laughter and pain.  We've shared funerals, weddings, births and baptisms.  We've shared minuscule efficiency apartments, a house, and 3 different homes abroad.  We've shared showers, sleepless nights, and single-sized beds in ratty hotels!  We share communion.  We share our girls.  We share 15 years of memories. We share our love for the Lord.  We share.

I laughingly say we share one brain but it's very near the truth.  We are unified.  Two made one.  I respect the Captain and put his wisdom first.  The Captain adores me and wants to please me above almost everything.  Two become one. It's a great mystery. Consider this:

In the same way, a husband should love his wife as much as he loves himself. A husband who loves his wife shows that he loves himself. None of us hate our own bodies. We provide for them and take good care of them, just as Christ does for the church, because we are each part of his body.  As the Scriptures say, "A man leaves his father and mother to get married, and he becomes like one person with his wife."   This is a great mystery, but I understand it to mean Christ and his church. So each husband should love his wife as much as he loves himself, and each wife should respect her husband. (CEV)

 A mystery of sharing. 

What would you say?  What makes you a happy wife?  Are you the only happy wife you know?

Helene

The Art of Spiritual Conversation—Helene →

I LOVE podcasts.  But I’m picky about them.  I insist, for example, that they not make me unreasonably angry, that they are well done from a technical point of view, that they reliably offer new content, and that most of all that they encourage thinking and learning.

I have been listening to a new one in recent weeks called “Cross talk” (http://www.radicallychristian.com/crosstalk-podcast).  It is a group of several men from the same congregation who get together and record about half an hour of conversation on a spiritual topic.  It’s like getting to be at camp or a retreat and sit and listen as mature Christians mull over a deep topic.  Delightful. 

There are other conversations I wish I could overhear.  I would love to sit and listen to Jesus unwinding with the Apostles, or Paul, Aquila and Priscilla talking over their tents.  I wonder what Ruth and Naomi talked about while the baby played, or who David found to share his poems with.

The fact is that the people of God have always found companions who shared their love for Him.  That’s what a congregation is, you know.  It’s a bunch of people who live in the same area, who all love God and are seeking Him, who need to get together to talk about Him and talk to Him.  People who are overflowing with praise for Him just have to find a friend who understands just how awesome He is.  Being without that fellowship of believers is to risk terminal discouragement (Hebrews 10:24-25). A congregation is a godly conversation in progress.

I have been blessed with amazing conversationalists in my life.  Mostly female, they are the people with whom I discuss child-rearing, education, various life troubles and joys, and housekeeping.  More importantly I talk Bible study, theology and the practice of living out faith with them. They help me think, argue with me, convict me, and keep me honest.  I would be so alone without them.

I am blessed at this time in my life (just as I was in at least two of my homes abroad) with having spiritual friends in my own church family as well as far away. The far-away friends provide a sounding board. They are impartial sources of wisdom who help me understand issues close to home.  And the nearby friends? Well, we do our talking in kitchens, on playgrounds or soccer fields, and when the church meets together.

The youngest of my friends remind me that I am an older woman illustrating everyday what it means to be a godly wife and mother.  We live in a world where the examples dwindle daily.  

The oldest of my friends bless me with their wisdom.  What may be a hypothetical and interesting theological point to me may be a road they have walked down, a cup they have drank to the last ugly drop.  They understand things at the root that I have only seen in the leaf. 

Do you find yourself alone these days?  Or perhaps your relationships with other women end up being competitive or frivolous? Let me recommend a podcast to get you thinking (link) and encourage you to take your friends with you to a new spiritual level. Ask them an open ended question about what you’ve been reading or what favorite Bible story they tell the kids at bedtime.  Find out their thoughts on the Sunday night’s sermon, or ask them how they organize their prayer time or Bible study.  One question is often enough to get things started; soon you too can be enjoying the art of spiritual conversation. 

Sin in the Congregation—Helene →

Sin in the Congregation

Are there Bible commands that are optional? I’m not talking about details under the Old Law like not eating pork or issues that may relate to culture like head-coverings. I am talking about the clear and direct commands of Jesus Christ. Do we have optional commands? We certainly have some that are rarely practiced, hardly noticed, and generally ignored.  Why?  They require such humility, selflessness, honesty and forgiveness that we read right over them with barely a glance. 

I’m talking about the Bible’s methods for dealing with sin.

If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that BY THE MOUTH OF TWO OR THREE WITNESSES EVERY FACT MAY BE CONFIRMED. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. (Matthew 18:15-17)*

This a command.  Just like a thousand other commands that we insist that we and others follow.   There is no bowing out, no hoping someone else (like our elders or our ministers) will be responsible for us.  This is the way Jesus commands that we deal with sin in our midst.  

Let’s imagine a scenario. 

You are at the grocery store grabbing three things before dinner.  You hear a brother’s booming voice one aisle over.  You are on the way to say hello, when you hear him speak to his wife in a way he shouldn’t speak to a dog.  You don’t want to interfere but as you step away you are shocked by his venom.  What do you do?

This one is tough because there are gender issues involved.  You can’t necessarily ask him to have coffee, and the grocery store is not the place for a private conversation.  But you could call him on the phone, explain what you heard and let him know that he was not displaying the gentle love that Christ has for the church for his wife. 

Could you call an elder and ask for some advice?  Or maybe consult with your husband before giving him a call?  Much depends on Jesus’ exact words.* However there is no escaping the fact that your brother's sin has become your personal responsibility. 

What if on the flip-side, we are the problem?  How does Jesus say we must deal with our own sin and the chaos it causes in our relationships?

Therefore if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering.(Matthew 5:23-24)

Jesus is making us uncomfortable again.  If we are the source of the conflict in our church, it is our responsibility to go to our brother and make it right.  It’s our responsibility to do it NOW before we go on with our everyday life of loving God and serving Him.  

What will it take for us to actually practice Jesus’ words?  Courage.  It is scary to go to a sibling and tell them about their sin.  Love.  We have to care a lot about someone to risk rocking the boat.  Humility.  Our pride takes a beating when we go and confess our wrong and ask a brother’s forgiveness.  

Obedience.  

We have to want to follow Jesus in these difficult command as much as in the easier ones. 

Any body of believers who humbly followed these two commands would be inoculated against the viruses of dissension and division that so often plague our churches as well as have a much lower rate of saints drifting off into sin and leaving their first love. I know it’s hard, uncomfortable, scary and painful but change in a congregation starts with one believer who follows Jesus with all her heart, even when it’s hard.

Helene

*There is a significant amount of ambiguity in the Greek text. If you check several versions you will see that in about half of them first phrase is “If a brother sins against you.”  Two words translated “against you” appear in some manuscripts but not others. However I am confident that the point that we are responsible personally to confront in all love any brother or sister who is practicing sin can be supported from other passages. For example, James 5:19-20 says, “My brethren, if any among you strays from the truth and one turns him back, let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins.” Regardless of whether we were simply witnesses or the recipient of the sin, we are commanded not to turn a blind eye to our brothers.  

Bouts of Conflict: Jesus our Referee →

Conflict. I hate it.  I love peace, and I have been known to try and keep “peace” even when a little honesty and airing of disagreements would have served the relationship far better.  So if there are any of you out there who looked at the very TITLE of the post and didn’t want to read it, trust me, I get it.  

Yet Jesus had commands about handling conflict.  Teachings that are as uncomfortable to conflict avoiders like myself as they are to the confrontational.  I suspect that we would have real peace-the kind that’s all about reconciliation- in our churches and our homes if we would allow Jesus to referee our quarrels.  

Don’t allow yourself to be guilty of asking if the rules “work.”  Boxers know full well that a blow below the belt “works!” Rather the rules of the game are for the protection of all the players.  And if you are dealing with a cheater?  Let the Referee worry about him.  You play by the rules!

1. No name calling- This includes not only shouting curses but labels like “Pharisee,” and the venomous “Lib-tard.”  Jesus declares that this is an issue that can make you guilty enough to be sent to hell.  We have to tread very carefully here.

But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever says to his brother, ‘You good-for-nothing,’ shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever says, ‘You fool,’ shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell. (Matthew 5:22)

2. Every word counts- Jesus insists that what comes out of a man’s mouth reflects the contents of his heart.  That alone should be enough to make us blush for every time we’ve excused ourselves with “I didn’t really mean that!” Worse yet, he says we’ll standing in front of the Judge of the living and the dead one day and have to account for those words (Matthew 12:33-37).

For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned. (Matthew 12:37)

3. No pretending with God- When things are out of sync with our brothers and sisters because of our sin, things are out of sync with God.  We can’t go on cheerfully praising Him, while we allow some sin of ours to infect a relationship. How many conflicts at home and in the church would be put to rights if the person in the wrong (both people many times) simply went humbly to the other and confessed their sin?  Put down your Bible, leave your prayer closet, walk out in the middle of the sermon on Sunday morning and make things right! 

 Therefore if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering. (Matthew 5:23-24)

4. No personal vengeance.  None.   Although we make allowances in our heads for times when you have to “stand up for yourself,” by which we often mean more than simply, quietly telling the truth, Jesus says we may not retaliate.  At all.  Instead we are to bear the evil that the wicked do against us. As we will see in the next post this does not mean we should not confront our brother with his sin, or involve the church if he will not repent, but it does mean we cannot, must not, seek vengeance.

You have heard that it was said, ‘AN EYE FOR AN EYE, AND A TOOTH FOR A TOOTH.’ “But I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. “If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. “Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two. “Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you.  (Matthew 5:38-42)

5. Forgiveness is not optional. God, who gave his only son for the very people who crucified him, has walked all the way down the road of forgiveness.  And He can’t meet you there, if you won’t walk down it too.  There is no forgiveness for our sins, while we hold on to the sins of others.

 For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions. (Matthew 6:14-15)

Conflict is unavoidable.  People sin.  I sin.  Even when we are innocent, we disagree.  In those moments Jesus has clear instructions for us. Rules for how to deal with conflict and come out on the other side brothers and sisters not enemy combatants.  If not for the sake of peace and community then for the sake of your soul, I urge you: Follow the Rules!

—Helene
 

Chasing Away the Cobwebs—Helene →

During the first year my family was abroad, we received some visitors from the States.  Getting to know them was a pleasure, and they went out of their way to bless us. One of those blessings was a book.  Back then, before the advent of E-readers, it was difficult for me to find books in English, especially Christian reading material, so I was excited to dive in.  I've read it a number of times these last six years, and it has followed me through two different moves.

The book, The Cost of Discipleship, is by Dietrich Bonhoeffer.  Bonhoeffer, whom I had never heard of, was a Nazi era Lutheran theologian. Outside of academic circles, he is best known for his work in the German opposition.  He was finally hung just weeks before the surrender of Germany due to his involvement in planning an assassination attempt against Hitler.

There are two ideas from the book that I have absorbed and added to my way of thinking about our relationship with God. The first idea is that obedience is how we learn faith.  Bonhoeffer puts it this way, "Unless he obeys, a man cannot believe." (p 66)   He dismisses out of hand all justifications that begin with "I don't have enough faith."  As he says, no child would get away with such nonsense.  Suppose I say, "Go to bed," and my daughter said, "I don't trust you enough to believe that you have my best interest at heart and so I'll stay here." Her belief is irrelevant.   She'd still get a spanking. In this context it's obvious to us that it is obedience that teaches the child to have faith in his parents.  The parallel stands true; the first and necessary step to faith is obedience.

What prevents us from obeying and building our faith?  Our rationalizations! Bonhoeffer points out that we don't really think Jesus meant what he said.  The gospels are full of hard sayings like,"every careless word that people speak, they shall give an accounting for it" (Matthew 12:36).  It's dangerously easy to reinterpret them.  Perhaps, we say to ourselves, Jesus doesn't really mean I have to think about EVERY word that I say.  Traffic, small annoying children, fights with my husband, those tempting situations aren't actually included are they?  Bonhoeffer pierces through all those lovely excuses, declaring if we want to follow Jesus, we have to start by obeying what he said, not what we wished he would have said. 

My second take home idea from the book was that something can be true as a conclusion that is NOT true as a beginning point.  For example, is this a true statement?  While my children are small, I will not be able to keep up with the laundry.  (Hey, don't judge! I don't have a drier!) It is true as a conclusion to my last 4 years of experience.  However if I start with "I cannot keep up with the laundry," and conclude that therefore I should not bother washing any more little dresses, we will have a problem at our house.  It's a silly example but the logical fallacy has very serious consequences when it is applied to theology.

Bonhoeffer points out that all kinds of true statements like, "We are saved by grace through faith" (Ephesians 2:8) can be used as the beginning data for a calculation that ends in disaster. Like my tragic laundry example, I could say, "Since I am saved by faith, trying hard to obey is useless," or "Since I need grace, and all my attempts to become holy are doomed to fail, working out some practical holiness now is pointless."  The conclusion, "Without grace I am lost" is no excuse for sin.  As Paul pointed out so clearly in Romans 6, "What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin so that grace may increase? May it never be! How shall we who died to sin still live in it?"

Hold that in mind and look at Ephesians 2:8-9.

 

For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.

Bonhoeffer's two thoughts work like a lens.  Using them, I see these verses more clearly than before.  Reminding myself that obedience is the first and necessary condition for faith, I realize that I was created to work. There is no excuse for disobedience in this matter.  It would be like a car deciding it would like to be lawn art instead of a transportation vehicle.  When a car doesn't "go" we say it's broken.  What do we call a Christian who won't work?  I don't need more faith or some particular gift of the Spirit, or an invitation.  God made me to work and I best get busy! 

However at the end of the day, I can cheerfully say, as a conclusion, that all that work is nothing.  It is nothing to boast about, nothing that earns my salvation or makes God owe me anything.  Every good deed was simply me growing in faith.  As a conclusion, being saved by grace through faith is a great relief to me.  I am not trying to save myself. I am simply obeying in faith the one who is busy saving me.  It's not my work that does the job; it's the simple gift of God. 

It's a rare and wonderful book that chases away cobwebs and helps us think more clearly.  That's what this book did for me.   It swept away my excuses and highlighted the kind of fuzzy thinking that we are all prone to.  And it called me back to a more honest obedience which leads me to a truer faith. 

  —Helene

The Sins of Un- (By Helene)

We often think of sin as "the bad things we do" or even the "the bad things we think."  More rarely someone understands that even the bad things we feel, for example hatred or covetousness are wrong and should have been submitted to Christ.   This is a "positive" view of sin.  In other words, this way of thinking understands sin as "The things we do, think, or feel that we should not."

However, this does not account for at least half of the Bible's definition.  God's perspective on sin includes "The good we fail to do". For example, James' famous line, "Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin" (James 4:17). This is one of those lines that in is apt to be read radically.  I can't save the world, feed all the hungry, house all the homeless, or take in all the orphans.  I know those things are right and I can't do them, so God is literally asking the impossible right?

No. 
 
Jesus didn't solve all the world's problems every day. After 3 years of work, the entire system of Roman oppression was still in place; injustice and immorality of every kind reigned.  If the measure of doing the right thing was instantly righting the world's wrongs, Jesus was a failure. 

Instead, on any given day Jesus not only avoided all those ugly actions, thoughts and feelings that plague us, but he also personified the positive things. For each person he came in contact with he was full of mercy, full of love, full of holiness.  In him the fullness of God dwelt bodily (Colossians 2:9). 

We on the other hand find ourselves in the category of "Un." We are ungrateful, unholy and unloving which 2 Timothy 3 lists with other sins such as malicious gossip.  We are without understanding, untrustworthy, unloving and unmerciful which Paul describes in Romans 1 as being among the results of not acknowledging God.   Simply put Jesus has in abundance what on our best day we have in meager measure.

How meager? Let's take me and Facebook for an example.  It's a great platform to promote a blog, a wonderfully non-invasive way to keep up with friends from around the world, and a great way to share a joke.  Yet, it's also the world's most efficient way to whine. I'd like to be above this fray, but if you scroll back on my feed, I feel sure you'd find more than one bellyaching session about things that irritate me (including electronics, Mondays, the weather, and not being able to find certain yummy kinds of tofu in my local grocery). I can be a whiner and a grump. 

Does that sound like positive sin?  Whining and complaining are sins themselves, but it's not just that I should refrain from grumbling, especially in such a discouraging and public format (although that is certainly true). It's that I have a deep poverty of gratitude. When I chose to complain instead of be thankful, I am declaring to the world that I am not grateful for God's good gifts. 

When I have to exert myself to show even a modicum of caring to strangers, when I have to force myself to find 5 minutes to read my Bible, when I sigh about teaching another semester of Bible class, I am revealing that I am among the people Paul was talking about. 

For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy,  unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; (2 Timothy 3:2-5)

Or in Paul's more exact words while I may have an appearance of godliness, I am lacking its power.  What power you may ask?  The power of transformation.  I have not yet fully embraced the heart of flesh that God promised me.

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. (Ezekiel 36:26).

The heart of flesh that God promised me is a heart like Christ, one that overflows everyday with all the wonders of gratitude, holiness and love. Not the poverty stricken heart of stone I am sometimes plagued with.  I don't need to stop doing what's right just because my heart is not yet in tune with the will of God.  That's what obedience is all about: trustingly doing what he calls me to, even if I don't "feel" it.  But I do need to recognize that when I am ungrateful, unloving and unholy (even if no one sees) I am in need of humble repentance and a transformed heart.

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