Equal Partners
I have two girls, an elementary-aged homeschooler and a teen in public school. I tell them both (ad nauseum) “Don’t even DATE anyone who doesn’t love Jesus more than you.” You may believe I am an old stick in the mud, but it is actually the adventure of living with God that has convinced me more than anything else of the wisdom of this idea.
For every woman who follows God, two things should be true. First, she is a soldier in the army of the Lord. He calls, she goes. Second, she must be faithful in the circumstances of her life. 1 Corinthians 7 speaks to this powerfully.
This leads us to two possible conclusions. Young men and women can chose to be soldiers first and soldiers only. They can live celibate single lives with the aim of being free from entanglement, so they can go and serve God at a moment’s notice in any situation. Paul recommends this lifestyle in part because of the crisis of persecution his readers were facing. (1 Corinthians 7:7)
The second possible conclusion is that young men and women of faith can pair up. If they both long to be of service in God’s Kingdom, they can be partners in their work.
This partnership extends to every arena. Each can take turns with things like child care so the other can teach a Bible class. They can go together on mission trips. She can provide the hospitality, and he can provide the lesson, and between them they can be amazingly effective evangelists. Not only are they both blessed in their “external” work but they are partners at home as well. From family devotionals to family mission trips, child-rearing with two parents wholly dedicated to God is an adventure of its own. A couple like this can pray and walk through any door God opens.
Unfortunately what I see happen on a fairly regular basis is a mental disconnect. The ideas of being available to God and mate selection simply aren’t connected. When these young women date, fall in love with, and marry men who aren’t committed to the Lord, they soon find themselves not only unsupported as Christian mothers but hampered as Christian workers altogether.
The other day at the Senior Center where I volunteer, I walked past a flyer looking for volunteers to teach a class. I called the number, and I’ll be teaching a ladies Bible class there in November. The class will take up (with travel time, visiting etc) about 2 hours a week. The preparations will take another couple of hours. To my husband it is no big deal. He supports me in my work just like I support him in his. We prayed for more opportunities in our community; God provided, and I get to teach. This would have been more difficult without my husband’s wholehearted commitment to God.
However, there was a time when the answer to our prayers wasn’t a class at the senior center but a house church in a developing country. The adventure God had in mind was selling everything we owned and spending the better part of a decade abroad. He blessed us in a more ways than we can count, financially, physically, and in a fruitful work and growing family. But can you imagine that adventure if only one of us really wanted to serve God? Impossible.
Today I am talking to mothers and young women. Mothers because what you tell your daughter to look for in a mate matters. Young women because one of the men you date will become your spouse. (If, on the other hand, you are already married to a man who isn’t a Christian, please don’t imagine that God doesn’t have work for you to do. He does. And the first of it is to be faithful in the responsibilities right in front of you. See 1 Corinthians 7:17-24 for more information.)
There are other reasons and scriptures that we could look to talk about the wisdom of marrying a faithful believer (2 Corinthians 6:14-18). Yet I think this one reason is enough. More than anything I want to be right in the middle of the awesome work God is doing in the world. In my living room, down the street or around the world, I want to be ready. I have been blessed beyond measure to have an equal partner-a husband who follows God with all his heart, and I hope the Kingdom has been blessed by our work in the Father's service. If you urge your daughters to genuine wholehearted service to God, urge them to find mates who mean to do the same!
Helene