It's Hard to Forgive!

It's Hard to Forgive!

Do you find it difficult to forgive others who have hurt you?

This is no simple question. Sure, if someone does something unintentionally, or is apologetic... It's pretty easy to forgive them.

What if they hurt you purposefully, callously, and could not care less if you've been deeply wounded by their words and actions?

Should we wait for an apology that may never come?

Many of us are familiar with the verses like this one:

"For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." Matthew 6:14-15
(see also Mark 11:25, Col 3:13)

We know that for God to forgive us, me must be forgiving of others. Sounds simple, right? So what is it that holds us back, that makes it so gut wrenchingly hard sometimes to just let go of the infractions we tightly grasp in our fists and hold over the head of the offender?

For that we must look at our own hearts. What are we storing up? Anger and bitterness, or joy and compassion?

"The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks." Luke 6:45

If we store up anger and resentment, it will show up in all parts of our life-- creating new victims, and continuing the cycle of hurt. BUT, what if we do this instead:

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones." Proverbs 3:5-8

Oh what joy it will be to find that HEALING! The kind of healing that penetrates beyond the surface and into our very bones!

We may never understand why that person did what they did! They may never offer a meaningful apology, if they offer one at all. But does it matter whether or not the offender deserves our forgiveness? Does it matter if they appreciate it? It's certainly a nice thought and a great hope. And perhaps our attitude of forgiveness can prick their heart and start them on the path that leads to redemption. (That's not to say that we should allow ourselves to be hurt again-- some situations require that we keep a distance for safety sake.)

But when it comes to forgiving those who have hurt us, we must first remember that God tells us it is vital. After all, we have a Savior who ***gave His very life*** so we ourselves could have forgiveness-- and He did this for everyone, when no one deserved it, whether they loved Him or not. God wants us to extend that same love to others.

It may take time, and it won't be easy, but we must work to empty our hearts of dark thoughts and allow them to be refreshed by the healing power of God's ways.

Need a good place to start renewing your thoughts? Here is some wisdom from Phillipians 4:8-- "...whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

And Col 3:12-13--
"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive."


One more thought-- forgiveness is a topic with many sides and faces. For those dealing with difficult people on a daily basis-- I pray for you. It is a hard journey to have to forgive the same hurts over and over, with no relief in sight.

"Then Peter came up and said to him, "Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?"

Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times." Matthew 18:21-22

Wow. That's hard. Almost seems impossible, but remember: "I can do all things through him who strengthens me." Phil 4:13

Keep fighting the good fight and be a light for the sake of Christ-- and when you are weak, when you fail, have mercy on yourself. Pray for strength and try, try again.

How Do We Find Peace When Someone Hurts Us?

Have you even been deeply hurt by another person?

Has your world been turned upside down in an instant because of someone else's sin?

Sadness, anger, confusion and despair are certainly some of the natural reactions, but what should Christians do with these feelings? It would not be healthy to repress them, nor should we allow them to become destructive forces in our lives. But HOW do we find PEACE???

The answer is in giving our troubles over to our Savior. He loves us and gladly carries our burdens. When we have hard times, we MUST share our sorrows with God in prayer. We must LISTEN to Him, TRUST Him, and LOVE Him. In doing so, we just might find it easier to love those around us, even when they hurt us. We might even find the kind of compassion that Jesus felt toward us when He gave His life for us-- when we were yet sinners who did not love Him. And ultimately, we must believe that He not only forgives us, but helps us forgive others as well.

In the book of Psalms, King David freely expressed his many troubles and frustrations to God, but always knew God loved him and was with Him. His words still offer great encouragement:

"Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved." Psalm 55:22

"In God, whose word I praise, in the LORD, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can man do to me? I must perform my vows to you, O God; I will render thank offerings to you. For you have delivered my soul from death, yes, my feet from falling, that I may walk before God in the light of life." Psalm 56:10-13

"Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me, for in you my soul takes refuge; in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge, till the storms of destruction pass by. I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills his purpose for me. He will send from heaven and save me; he will put to shame him who tramples on me. Selah. God will send out his steadfast love and his faithfulness!" Psalm 57:1-3

We don't have to carry our burdens alone. God is strong!-- He will take them.

We don't have to suffer our hurts alone. God is kind!-- He will comfort us.

Let Him! ...and you will be on the way to finding peace. 

7 Ways to Destroy a Marriage

1.) Stop communicating. 

Ephesians 5:23-30 says,

"For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body....Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her...So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;  for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body."

In life, our bodies constantly communicate with our heads, and vice versa. What happens if suddenly that communication stops? Usually paralysis, and if it's bad enough, death. Communication both ways is needed for the the organism to survive, and in marriage we are considered "one flesh" and thus one organism.  If you want to kill any relationship, stop communicating. It'll be dead before you know it.








2.) Confide in a friend of the opposite sex. 

What routinely kills marriages is one partner developing strong emotional bonds with someone of the opposite sex. This is true of any romantic relationship. If you need emotional support, go to your spouse. Your spouse must be your best friend. 1 Cor 13:4 reminds us that, "love does not envy," and if you're making your spouse jealous for the bond he/she wants to have with you, you're introducing something which is certainly not love. 

If you let someone else take the place of your partner emotionally, sexually, or physically, you're making a choice to tear down everything that you've built.









3.) Demean or insult your spouse.

Eph 5:29 points out that in a marriage, "no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church." If you are belittling your spouse instead of encouraging him/her, there's no nourishment going on. The relationship will grow as well as a plant watered with paint thinner, because insults and belittling statements cause envy and are utterly toxic. 

It's worth noting that comparing your spouse or romantic interest negatively to someone else is the absolute most deadly thing to do. "Well Jerry is more manly," or, "Jessica's a lot more feminine" shows that not only do you not appreciate the one you claim to love, but that you're thinking about someone else, too...and viewing them as a more desirable mate.








4.) Stop having sex.

Sex is a great thing which God has provided, and is an intimate thing between only you and your spouse. It is a bond that has been committed to with words, and, at a physiological level, even with chemicals. It you stop seeing it as important, your relationship will almost certainly head downhill, unless there is mutual apathy, in which case it's already in trouble. Look at the importance that God places on it in 1 Cor 7:3-5,

"The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

If you stop making love, you give Satan another avenue to tempt and try to destroy a marriage.







5.) Start keeping secrets.

I once saw a post that discussed relationships which were budding, and it said:

 “The Detective Rule”. "The idea is simple: if you find yourself playing detective with someone, you remove them from your life immediately. Remember your Constant? Do you play detective with them? Do you cyberstalk their Facebook page and question their every intention? No, of course not. So you know the common denominator is external."

God speaks in Job about trust, and there are two types which play out. In Job 11:18, there is trust that is solid, "“Then you would trust, because there is hope; And you would look around and rest securely."  Notice the confidence and ability to rest well and be at peace. On the other hand, if our spouse keeps secrets, we start to have "confidence that is fragile, and trust that is a spider's web."  (Job 8:14)

Don't keep secrets. You'll both be able to sleep easily at night.








6.) Spend lots of time around people who don't like your spouse or loved one.

I have seen this one happen a LOT.  Every time I've seen it, it's been the mother or father (or both) who hate who their child has married or is in love with. This is a recipe for disaster because, as Matthew 6:24 notes, "No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other."

Suddenly the spouse will be trying to maintain the relationship with the friends or family who dislike who he/she has married, and in doing so, they have to subtly ally themselves with these individuals.  

If that happens, we need to remember that, "For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh." (Gen 2:24)  A new family has been made, and bitterness from an old family cannot be present. The husband and wife must be one flesh, and must both refuse to allow an emotional war to take place. 








7.) Quit trying.

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying 'I will try again tomorrow.'" —Mary Radmacher 

If your goal is success, you must keep striving toward it. If neither partner gives up, success will result, but if just one partner gives up, destruction is guaranteed.  "And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up...Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit, says the LORD of hosts." ( Gal 6:9 & Zech 4:6)

The Barnabases among us.

BQ:  Acts 9 describes how Saul of Tarsus, after his experience with Jesus on the road to Damascus, was trying to associate with Christians. He had a tough go of it, since Christians avoided him like the plague—after all, he'd been murdering them. Let's read Acts 9:26-27 and see who helped him:

"When he came to Jerusalem, he was trying to associate with the disciples; but they were all afraid of him, not believing that he was a disciple. But Barnabas took hold of him and brought him to the apostles and described to them how he had seen the Lord on the road, and that He had talked to him, and how at Damascus he had spoken out boldly in the name of Jesus."

Everyone knows a ton about Paul in the New Testament, but sometimes we gloss over what we view as "lesser" characters. Above, we saw that Barnabas was a very forgiving, kind, and, in his own fashion, brave man. What do you know about Barnabas? Over the next few days, we'll learn more about this awesome man.





BQ: Yesterday we saw that Paul was alone after his conversion, but Barnabas gave him a second chance and trusted him. Paul was always a fiery individual. Let's read Acts 15:36-41 and see some more about the character of Paul and Barnabas:

"After some days Paul said to Barnabas, “Let us return and visit the brethren in every city in which we proclaimed the word of the Lord, and see how they are.”  Barnabas wanted to take John, called Mark, along with them also. But Paul kept insisting that they should not take him along who had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not gone with them to the work. And there occurred such a sharp disagreement that they separated from one another, and Barnabas took Mark with him and sailed away to Cyprus.  But Paul chose Silas and left."

Here we see that Paul was very upset over a past wrongdoing, and not willing to put up with a chance of a relapse on the part of John Mark. Ignoring that, though, look at what it reveals about Barnabas. When Paul was looking to overcome his horrible past, Barnabas came to him and helped him when no others world.    Barnabas, we can see, is a very loving, caring, kind, forgiving, and patient. 





BQ: We've seen that Barnabas was very courageous and willing to give people second chances. When Paul wanted to join the Christians, Barnabas was the one who was willing to help him out. When John Mark wanted to re-join after his defection, Barnabas gave him another chance. 

We can learn a lot more about Barnabas, who was an exceptional individual. We really first encounter him in Acts 4:36-37, which says, "Now Joseph, a Levite of Cyprian birth, who was also called Barnabas by the apostles (which translated means Son of Encouragement), and who owned a tract of land, sold it and brought the money and laid it at the apostles’ feet."

Barnabas was not only forgiving, but giving as well, and a son of encouragement.  What we can also tell is that people of various personalities can do great things for God. Paul was also an awesome man, but not at all like Barnabas, yet they are both given recognition for helping people. 






BQ: Barnabas, we know, was encouraging, giving, forgiving, and willing to take risks to help people. We've also seen that, even in assemblies, a great person might have a sharp disagreement with you over something, as Paul did with Barnabas in regards to keeping John Mark around.  What can we learn from this?

One thing is to not let this hurt our self-worth.  No matter what Paul felt about Barnabas, Barnabas was still known as the Son of Encouragement. Also, disagreements aren't a reason to think poorly of the other person. Just like with Paul and Barnabas, we each serve a different purpose. Paul reached people that Barnabas didn't, and Barnabas reached people that Paul didn't. :) Don't let a squabble damage your ability to serve!




BQ: There's a lot to know about Barnabas. We've seen that, in many ways, he was simply a very kind and giving man. Acts 11:22-26 really highlights the need for people like him.

"They sent Barnabas off to Antioch.  Then when he arrived and witnessed the grace of God, he rejoiced and began to encourage them all with resolute heart to remain true to the Lord;  for he was a good man, and full of the Holy Spirit and of faith. And considerable numbers were brought to the Lord. And he left for Tarsus to look for Saul;  and when he had found him, he brought him to Antioch. And for an entire year they met with the church and taught considerable numbers; and the disciples were first called Christians in Antioch."

Barnabas is called a good man, and fully of the Holy Spirit and faith. His attitude is one of rejoicing and, as was his nature, encouragement. More than that, he was steadfast and resolute, and he brought many people to God. Barnabas also wasn't one to hog the limelight, but when he saw opportunity, he went to find Paul to help out! In fact, where Barnabas was teaching for an entire year was the first time we saw people being called Christians.

While certain people in the Bible get more attention than others, lesser-known individuals like Barnabas are just as important. :)  What can you learn from him?

Just one bad apple.

BQ: When we change our lives to more godly behavior, we often want to keep parts of our old lives around. What can be especially damaging is keeping bad influences, especially when we're not very strong ourselves. 

The Christians in Corinth ran into this problem and let some pretty scurrilous people remain a part of their lives, which led God to remind them that, "Don't you know that a little yeast works through the whole batch of dough?" (I Corinthians 5:6)  

When we change, we need to dedicate ourselves to having out with the old and in with the new. :)

Enjoying your spouse.

BQ: I'm thinking about doing some more stuff on marriage since I'm SOOOOO close to getting married.  

We've often covered the importance of putting the spirituality first, so don't throw that to the wind. Still, when getting to know a lady, it's important for the man to ask, "Is this a relationship that I enjoy?" Sometimes, deep down, the answer is "no." Maybe it's too full of drama and turmoil, or maybe the personalities just don't match quite right so, while there is some attraction, there's not too much enjoyment. 

This really goes both ways, but God tells men to, "Enjoy life with the woman whom you love all the days of your fleeting life which He has given to you under the sun." (Eccl 9:9) Before getting into a relationship for life, it's important to make sure that it will not only be edifying, but enjoyable.

The importance of fellowship.

Importance of Fellowship
BQ: Is fellowship important? This deserves MUCH more, so it'll DEFINITELY be a subject of a note in the future!  Thanks Shannon Ashley Musick! This is awesome.

A: Heb 10:25 “not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near.” Prov 27:17 “Iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens another.”

For you to look up: Eccles 4:9-12, Eph 4:11-16, Mt 18:20, 1 Cor 10:16-17, Eph 5:19-21, 1 Cor 12:14, Gal 3:28

Attendance problems are often a sign of a deeper problem—a problem where Satan's playplace is more appealing than being held up out of it by our brothers and sisters in Christ. It's usually the first sign that we're moving back into the world.

My brother Jerod Schaefer said, "If you think you can do the things you used to do and get away with it...you are SO wrong. And you are gambling your soul, and if you have kids, you're gambling theirs, too." If we let the world be our home, we lose the kingdom. Fellowship is critical. Absolutely critical.
(PN7)

Restoring someone.

Restoring someone.
BQ: Have you ever been upset when someone's let you or others down? When someone has failed at some task? One battle I personally have is with taking failure critically, both in myself and in others. It's something that's completely unattractive and I seriously need to work on it.

When it comes to doing things which aren't morally upright, it can be tempting to use righteousness as some sort of hammer. The thing is, it's impossible to bang out sin in someone. They have to want to
remove it.

"Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted. Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ" is written in Galatians 6:1-2.Matthew 18:21-22 says, ""Then Peter came to Him and said, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven."

When someone falls, we need to help them up. Isn't that what you'd want for yourself? Helping someone up, however, does require that we acknowledge that they indeed have fallen. We can't just ignore it, or they'll never be restored. At the same time, we don't kick them when they're down, or yank at them furiously.

Remember, you can never fix a broken item by destroying it. Let's gently restore those who have fallen, and remember how we'd like to be treated ourselves.
(PN2)

Is fellowship with those in Christ important?

Importance of Fellowship
BQ: Is fellowship important? This deserves MUCH more, so it'll DEFINITELY be a subject of a note in the future!  Thanks Ashley M! This is awesome.

A: Heb 10:25 “not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near.” Prov 27:17 “Iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens another.”

For you to look up: Eccles 4:9-12, Eph 4:11-16, Mt 18:20, 1 Cor 10:16-17, Eph 5:19-21, 1 Cor 12:14, Gal 3:28

Attendance problems are often a sign of a deeper problem—a problem where Satan's playplace is more appealing than being held up out of it by our brothers and sisters in Christ. It's usually the first sign that we're moving back into the world.

My brother J. Schaefer said, "If you think you can do the things you used to do and get away with it...you are SO wrong. And you are gambling your soul, and if you have kids, you're gambling theirs, too." If we let the world be our home, we lose the kingdom. Fellowship is critical. Absolutely critical.
(PN7)