I'm starting a study on husbands and wives and their responsibilities. I have a few topics that I'm briefly looking at (not really sure how much I'll post here), but here's how I'm going to approach it; for now we're just looking at the wife:
Wife's responsibilities:
Excellence
Submission
Respect
Companionship
Maintenance of the home environment
Husband's responsibilities:
Leadership
Love
Nourishment
Cherishment (this word was used as late as 1913)
Excellence:
BQ: For today, let's start to look at excellence for the wife. Her responsibility is to bring glory and honor to her family, and if she does her duty well, she will be a crown to her husband. If she fails, she can really cause some damage! Proverbs 12:4 says, "An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, But she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones."
Speaking of that, even outside of the marriage, the woman is charged with bringing glory to men, just as men are charged with bringing glory to God. "For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God; but woman is the glory of man." (I Corinthians 11:7)
While we'll continue on tomorrow, it's important to realize that good marriages really need the husband to see his wife as an incredible blessing from God, and one of the greatest gifts in his life, constantly amazed that he has even been allowed to marry a woman so great. "He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord." (Pro 18:22)
We'll discuss more on this tomorrow.
BQ: So we're looking at the responsibilities of a wife, and we're digging into why she needs to be excellent. :) Today we'll look at how to define that more by taking a look at what the opposite of it might be.
To see what "not excellent is," let's look at Pro 9:13-18 in part, where Solomon describes the foolish woman. The woman of folly is boisterous,
She is naive and knows nothing.
She sits at the doorway of her house,
On a seat by the high places of the city,
Calling to those who pass by,
Who are making their paths straight:
Obviously this isn't an excellent wife, but rather a very foolish one. Of note to me is that, lacking excellence, she tries to bring others in with her, and that seems to be pretty common for people who aim low. Talk about lacking discretion. And to REALLY talk about lacking discretion, we can go to Proverbs 11:22, which says, As a ring of gold in a swine’s snout, So is a beautiful woman who lacks discretion."
Looks just don't define an excellent wife. Even if every kiss did begin with Kay, putting one of their rings on a pig wouldn't enhance the pig or make it a better wife. Likewise, a lady without excellence of character is not going to be enhanced by her physical beauty.
BQ: In defining an excellent woman, we've also looked at what the opposite is. Today we'll see a couple of other quick verses about less-than-awesome wives (and don't worry, these exist for men, too!).
“It is better to live in a corner of a roof, than in a house shared with a contentious woman.” (Proverbs 21:9)
“It is better to live in a desert land, than with a contentious and vexing woman.” (Proverbs 21:19)
A contentious person is someone who likes to argue. God designed men to be leaders, and for women to help the men be leaders. Men often rely upon women for support, and that's one reason that woman is "the glory of man."
The natural differences between the sexes can cause issues if not managed wisely, though. A woman may want to return to a problem passively many times, mulling it over in her mind, when the man may have already put it behind him, thinking that decisions were made and that the issue was dealt with. When not expressed healthily, this can leave the husband thinking that his wife is argumentative or nagging, even if it's not truly the case. Instead of pestering, let the decision play out. Often men realized when they've failed and will learn better by having the freedom to fall flat on their faces.
BQ: Proverbs 31:10-31 describes an excellent woman, so go read it, as I'm not posting it all here. I'd like to note a couple of important passages that we sometimes gloss over. In part they are:
"The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
So he will have no lack of gain."
A great relationship is defined by trust, and it's not simply a stagnant one. Instead, it leads to great gain.
"She considers a field and buys it;From her profits she plants a vineyard...."
Women are to be good stewards of money. Often women are more inclined to go couponing, and when they've found one good deal, to return even it if they find a better one somewhere else. Men are honestly lazy sometimes. We'll go in, grab it if it doesn't seem like highway robbery, and leave—NEVER returning a purchase or spending hours up hours shopping for better deals. Women really help out their husbands by being great with money and wisely making purchasing decisions.
"Her husband also, and he praises her”
Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised."
The best definition of a great woman is one who submits to the Lord. In order for a marriage to be truly great, though, the husband needs to make sure he's praising her for all that she is.
Submission:
BQ: Uh oh...continuing to look at the role of wives, we're coming up to the topic of submission! Sound the alarm! Misogyny! Chauvinism! Sexism! Oh my! Let's start off with scripture:
"Your desire shall be for your husband, And he shall rule over you.” (Gen 3:16)
"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord." (Col 3:18)
"But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God." (1 Cor 11:3)
Submission complements authority. In order for society to function, we rely on some submission to authority. In the military, I submit to my superiors. However, that does not mean that I can go around breaking laws based off of the requirement that I submit to them.
The same is true for women and men. The family functions best with the man as the leader, but women are only to submit to them as is fitting in the Lord. If a man wants the wife to do something that God wouldn't do, then that's game over there. But if he is leading her in a Godly direction, it will be naturally fulfilling to submit to that direction, anyway!
BQ: More on submission. Sometimes people think it's a forced thing, and it's not. We'll look at the negative state of it to pull out a more positive note:
"A continual dripping on a very rainy day And a contentious woman are alike; 16 Whoever restrains her restrains the wind, And grasps oil with his right hand." (Pro 27:15-16)
A husband cannot MAKE his wife submit, nor should he try to. Instead, his own Godly example should be appealing. His leadership should make her want to follow him, and he should pick a wife who will want to go where he's going—marching onward to Zion!
Respect:
BQ: Wives need to respect their husbands, and husbands need to love their wives. For an awesome lesson on this by Luke Wilson, listen here: http://www.newcreation.us/podcasts/Marriage-Family-Part05.mp3
"Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband." (Eph 5:33)
Respect is something that we've studied before, and it boils down to valuing something. If you have something that you value highly, you'll think about it often, take care of it, and sing its praises. Imagine owning an Aston Martin (or a...some piece of fine jewelry; I'm not a lady so this is hard for me). Would you find yourself pointing out its flaws all the time, or treating it like some old beater? Probably not.
Remember to value and respect your husbands. And listen to that podcast, because Luke says it way better than I can!
Companionship:
BQ: Wives need to give their husbands companionship. As much as we act tough (and are!), we also have a desire to have a companion.
In Genesis 2:18-23, God saw that it was not good for man to be alone, and so He created a helper for him. Men are not meant to live lives of isolation, and wives are the solution.
In Titus 2:4-5, older women are told to teach younger women how to "phillio" their husbands, which is a form of love shown between best friends. You'd think that this would come naturally, but apparently sometimes ladies need to be taught this. "Admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed."
In Acts 20:35, we learn that it is "more blessed to give than to receive." It is not just what you can get out of marriage that's important, but what you put into it. Giving reflects the Christian attitude of service to others. The husband should bring to the relationship his devotion to his wife, and his wife should give him fully the companionship that he needs.
Housekeeping:
BQ: In both Titus 2:4-5 and Proverbs 31, we saw that God appointed women as keepers of the house. This makes sense, as men are usually equipped to be our working and providing for the family. This command is sometimes looked at as being pretty demeaning today, but it isn't. In fact, it's something that women are usually better at. Anyway, read Proverbs 31 again.
Just as the husband is responsible for the incoming funds on which the family operates, the wife is responsible for managing the outflow of those funds. We saw before that the wife is noted as using the money to buy wisely, and now I'd like to point out that she's also compared to a fleet of merchant ships (Proverbs 31:14). God puts a lot of association between the wife and the smart use of finances.
“She looks well to the ways of her household, And does not eat the bread of idleness.” (Proverbs 31:27). Wives cook and manage the entire household, (Proverbs 31:15), monitor the finances, (Proverbs 31:18), and make sure that there is extra money to help those in need (Proverbs 31:20). They also make sure that their children are clothed and taught. (Proverbs 31:21-22, 26).
Lastly, it is noted throughout that the wife has incredible power, as she can set the tone not just for herself, but for the entire household. This is an incredibly weighty assignment, and one that husbands should help in, just as the wives should help the husbands.