People who always let you know how wrong you are.

Have you been trying to become more like Christ, but met that one person who's always a hammer in search of a nail? You probably know what I'm talking about: they know EVERYTHING that you're doing wrong and will always let you know about how wrong you are in God's eyes and what little thing is indubitably sending you to hell if you don't conform. They're always the stick and never the carrot, so don't expect any "attaboys" from them, because they're there to refine you as with fire. Those people are an example that there is a difference between doing God's work and doing God's job. In 1 Cor 4, Paul wrote,

"Therefore do not go on passing judgment before the time, but wait until the Lord comes who will both bring to light the things hidden in the darkness and disclose the motives of men’s hearts; and then each man’s praise will come to him from God....so that no one of you will become arrogant in behalf of one against the other."

We are to be known by our love for one another, which does include reproof and correction, but not done in such a manner that we always beat down and never build up. Furthermore, we should be very careful in pronouncing eternal judgement on our brothers and sisters. We labor for the harvest, but do not replace God as the adjudicator of the eternal soul of man.

Humans don't like big menus.

Scientifically, humans are happier when they have shorter menus. Long menus present something called "opportunity paralysis," which agonizes us. "So many choices...what if I make the wrong one."

The old covenant was a system of rules and regulations, written in stone for all to see, in which you had to keep the letter of the law. On the other hand, there was no need to make decisions, as everything was pre-determined. The new covenant is a relationship, in which you need to keep the spirit. We are not bound by context-less precept (rules), but rather principles and action of freedom. Too often we seek to infer new rules, so that we do not have to suffer opportunity paralysis.

Hebrews 8 declares: For this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, declares YHWH: I will put my laws into their minds, and write them on their hearts, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. [ie. RELATIONSHIP] 11 And they shall not teach, each one his neighbor and each one his brother, saying, ‘Know the Lord,’ [NOT RULES] for they shall all know me, from the least of them to the greatest. [BUT RELATIONSHIP]

But he is a Jew who is one inwardly, and circumcision is that of the heart, in the spirit not in the letter; whose praise is not from men, but from God. [SPIRIT, NOT LETTER OF THE LAW] (Rom 2)

"But now we have been discharged from the law, having died to that in which we were held; so that we serve in newness of the spirit, and not in oldness of the letter." [SPIRIT, NOT LETTER OF THE LAW] (Rom 7:6)

Have you seen people trying to infer the letter of the law where it no longer exists? I've been one of those people. Bondage is easy, but as we grow stronger, freedom enables us to become overwhelming conquerors.

Who's your best friend in marriage? (Careful!)

I've once had a gal tell me, "You're my best friend and soulmate." I was deeply touched by the sentiment, but this thought made it necessary to pull back from the deep friendship. She had a man already, and they had a kid, although both came along long into our friendship.

Song of Solomon says, "“I am my beloved’s, and his desire is for me." This is absolutely critical to a good marriage. Allowing another person other than your spouse to fill the role of best friend and soulmate, such as it is, spells disaster. When God says that in marriage, two become one, we should never attempt to break off a part of that one and attach it to a separate entity.

(Yes, I knows, says the unmarried man. wink emoticon )

A suitable helpmate...for what?

In Genesis, God describes a good partnership in marriage as being that of a "suitable helper."  In Luke 10, Jesus told His disciples, "The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few. Therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest." (v2)

When looking for a spouse, what's your primary concern? Mine's to get a fellow laborer for Christ, who is thus truly an ideal helper in the work for God! 

How to smooth out a rough marriage.

How can marriages last? How can people get along for so many years? Nowadays people often get tired of each other's foibles and get divorced. I like something that God said, and I've been considering it in the context of marriage:

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." (1 Peter 4:8)

A humble spirit of appreciation showing true love through action can smooth out the roughest times of a marriage. <3

How long should I date for?

I've heard various thoughts on dating and whatnot. I've heard some Christians tell me that you need at least 1000-hours of contact before marriage, but I've known others who have successfully had marriages after knowing each other for short times.  

It reminds me that God said in 1 Cor 7, "If they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." For some, it might be better to avoid extended dating and, once they know it's a good match, just go for it. 

What's most notable about Solomon?

What is most notable about Solomon isn't that he was so wise, but that he failed. 
"For it came about when Solomon was old, his wives turned his heart away after other gods; and his heart was not wholly devoted to the LORD his God, as the heart of David his father had been." (1 Kings 11:4)

I once knew someone who knew the Bible inside and out, but was having a hard time leaving sin behind. He told me, "I have all the Biblical resources, leaders, and friends I need to manage my life, so I don't need or want help." In many ways, we can become like Solomon: all the wisdom and spiritual resources in the world, but they amount to nothing if we aren't using them to actively grow.

Solomon's romantic partners caused him to fall away, but ultimately he could have heeded this advice, "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded." (James 4:8) Let's make sure we're not living two lives, and let's remember that there is no provision to "remain at the same distance from God." There is drawing near or falling away. Pick the right one. 

Romance and the order of operations—it's simple math!

In relationships, it's better to pick a mate through wisdom rather than emotion. In order to get the right result in math, the order of operations have to be followed. If you add something before accomplishing the multiplying and dividing, the answer just won't be right. It has occurred to me that the order of operations if critical in dating and romance, too. 

If we meet someone we really like emotionally, but who isn't saved, it is folly for us to give our emotional core to them. God tells us to, "seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness," and as a part of that, we need to put the spiritual health of the other person BEFORE dating and our emotional desires. 

If we don't do that, what we're really doing is setting an immediate example where our own wants are equal or superior to God's desires and plans, and we show that our emotions trump the other person's spiritual eternity. We should make disciples first, showing integrity and sincerity of our beliefs—this will reveal just how much we love God, and will be much more effective at causing faith in those we love.