It's Hard to Forgive!

Do you find it difficult to forgive others who have hurt you?

This is no simple question. Sure, if someone does something unintentionally, or is apologetic... It's pretty easy to forgive them.

What if they hurt you purposefully, callously, and could not care less if you've been deeply wounded by their words and actions?

Should we wait for an apology that may never come?

Many of us are familiar with the verses like this one:

"For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." Matthew 6:14-15
(see also Mark 11:25, Col 3:13)

We know that for God to forgive us, me must be forgiving of others. Sounds simple, right? So what is it that holds us back, that makes it so gut wrenchingly hard sometimes to just let go of the infractions we tightly grasp in our fists and hold over the head of the offender?

For that we must look at our own hearts. What are we storing up? Anger and bitterness, or joy and compassion?

"The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks." Luke 6:45

If we store up anger and resentment, it will show up in all parts of our life-- creating new victims, and continuing the cycle of hurt. BUT, what if we do this instead:

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones." Proverbs 3:5-8

Oh what joy it will be to find that HEALING! The kind of healing that penetrates beyond the surface and into our very bones!

We may never understand why that person did what they did! They may never offer a meaningful apology, if they offer one at all. But does it matter whether or not the offender deserves our forgiveness? Does it matter if they appreciate it? It's certainly a nice thought and a great hope. And perhaps our attitude of forgiveness can prick their heart and start them on the path that leads to redemption. (That's not to say that we should allow ourselves to be hurt again-- some situations require that we keep a distance for safety sake.)

But when it comes to forgiving those who have hurt us, we must first remember that God tells us it is vital. After all, we have a Savior who ***gave His very life*** so we ourselves could have forgiveness-- and He did this for everyone, when no one deserved it, whether they loved Him or not. God wants us to extend that same love to others.

It may take time, and it won't be easy, but we must work to empty our hearts of dark thoughts and allow them to be refreshed by the healing power of God's ways.

Need a good place to start renewing your thoughts? Here is some wisdom from Phillipians 4:8-- "...whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

And Col 3:12-13--
"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive."


One more thought-- forgiveness is a topic with many sides and faces. For those dealing with difficult people on a daily basis-- I pray for you. It is a hard journey to have to forgive the same hurts over and over, with no relief in sight.

"Then Peter came up and said to him, "Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?"

Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times." Matthew 18:21-22

Wow. That's hard. Almost seems impossible, but remember: "I can do all things through him who strengthens me." Phil 4:13

Keep fighting the good fight and be a light for the sake of Christ-- and when you are weak, when you fail, have mercy on yourself. Pray for strength and try, try again.