Who's your best friend in marriage? (Careful!)

I've once had a gal tell me, "You're my best friend and soulmate." I was deeply touched by the sentiment, but this thought made it necessary to pull back from the deep friendship. She had a man already, and they had a kid, although both came along long into our friendship.

Song of Solomon says, "“I am my beloved’s, and his desire is for me." This is absolutely critical to a good marriage. Allowing another person other than your spouse to fill the role of best friend and soulmate, such as it is, spells disaster. When God says that in marriage, two become one, we should never attempt to break off a part of that one and attach it to a separate entity.

(Yes, I knows, says the unmarried man. wink emoticon )

Precept, principle, and action—Jesus responds to divorce.

Some Pharisees tried to stump Jesus on divorce in Mark 10. Check out how important this is:

-They asked him, testing him, "Is it lawful for a husband to put away his wife?" And answering, He said to them, "What did Moses command you?"

-And they said, "Moses permitted us to {both} write a document of divorcement and to put her away."

-Jesus answering, said to them, "He wrote this commandment for you because of your hardness of heart. But God made them male and female from the beginning of the creation. Because
of this, a man will leave his father and mother and will be joined to his wife; and the two will
become one flesh, so-that they are no more two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has yoked
together, let no man put asunder."

God says here that He has allowed divorce, though not mere "sending a wife away," because people have hard hearts. Instead of trapping one spouse with someone who has decided that they were useless trash, He permitted a woman to be given divorce papers so that she could start over with a clean slate.

Jesus routinely answered with a pattern of "Precept-Principle-Action." The precept is the command; the law." The Law allowed for divorce. The principle is the primary truth and driving force—in this case, don't have a hard heart! Love one another. And the action was this, "Let not man put asunder."

Divorce is not nominal. It's tragic. It's horrific. We should strive with all of our soul to avoid becoming hard-hearted, and to avoid divorce.

What did Jesus actually say about divorce?

Jesus said this on divorce: “It was said, ‘Whoever sends his wife away, let him give her a certificate of divorce’; 32 but I say to you that everyone who [a]divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a [b]divorced woman commits adultery." (Mt 5:31-32 NASB)

Notice that the text has markers [a] and [b]. Why? In this case, the text was taken from Biblegateway's NASB translation. Those markers indicate that the translators have made a change to the text, and the word used is not actually "divorce." That should make you stop and think. So what is the proper translation? Let's look at the literal of v32:

"But I say unto you, that every one that putteth away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, maketh her an adulteress: and whosoever shall marry her when she is put away committeth adultery."

Jesus was speaking to Jews, so we should go the the Jewish Law on divorce to understand what He was expressing. Specifically, Deut 24:1-4 informs us about the Law on divorce. v1-2 say,

“When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out from his house, and she leaves his house and goes and becomes another man’s wife."

Divorce was accomplished through a legal paper of divorcement, known as a "get." Without that paper, a woman was still married, and so lying with another man was adultery. Sending a wife away without a "get" was known as "putting away," and was a terrible thing to do to a woman, as it stripped her of her ability to remarry. The New and Old Covenants both taught that those who are not married (including someone legally divorced) are allowed to remarry.

Questions about divorce and remarriage.

There is a notion in some of Christianity that, should a person be divorced for a reason other than adultery, he/she can never remarry. Today we'll look at 1 Cor 7. It opens saying that each man and woman are to have their own spouse, "because of immoralities." (1-2) Verses 3-5 discuss the need for sex in marriage.

In 6-7, Paul remarked that he wished that some could practice celibacy as he did, "however, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that." So Paul indicated that indeed, some do not have the gift to be celibate. In verse 9, he then says that it is better to let these people marry than to see them burn.

Questions to consider:

1.) Who is allowed to have a spouse? God says the unmarried. Is a divorced person married? (v1-2)

2.) Are we taking way God's tool to help people avoid fornication if we tell someone who is not married (divorced, widowed, etc.) that they cannot remarry? (6-9)

3.) Did Paul, however, admonish the married to stay together? "Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be released." (v27)

4.) Does Paul indicate that a person who is a Christian, but already married to an unbeliever, should not leave that unbelieving spouse (12-16) just because they are not Christian?

4.) However, for those who are not yet married, does he say to "marry only in the Lord?" (39)

A suitable helpmate...for what?

In Genesis, God describes a good partnership in marriage as being that of a "suitable helper."  In Luke 10, Jesus told His disciples, "The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few. Therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest." (v2)

When looking for a spouse, what's your primary concern? Mine's to get a fellow laborer for Christ, who is thus truly an ideal helper in the work for God! 

How to smooth out a rough marriage.

How can marriages last? How can people get along for so many years? Nowadays people often get tired of each other's foibles and get divorced. I like something that God said, and I've been considering it in the context of marriage:

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." (1 Peter 4:8)

A humble spirit of appreciation showing true love through action can smooth out the roughest times of a marriage. <3

What's most notable about Solomon?

What is most notable about Solomon isn't that he was so wise, but that he failed. 
"For it came about when Solomon was old, his wives turned his heart away after other gods; and his heart was not wholly devoted to the LORD his God, as the heart of David his father had been." (1 Kings 11:4)

I once knew someone who knew the Bible inside and out, but was having a hard time leaving sin behind. He told me, "I have all the Biblical resources, leaders, and friends I need to manage my life, so I don't need or want help." In many ways, we can become like Solomon: all the wisdom and spiritual resources in the world, but they amount to nothing if we aren't using them to actively grow.

Solomon's romantic partners caused him to fall away, but ultimately he could have heeded this advice, "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded." (James 4:8) Let's make sure we're not living two lives, and let's remember that there is no provision to "remain at the same distance from God." There is drawing near or falling away. Pick the right one.