Who's your best friend in marriage? (Careful!)

I've once had a gal tell me, "You're my best friend and soulmate." I was deeply touched by the sentiment, but this thought made it necessary to pull back from the deep friendship. She had a man already, and they had a kid, although both came along long into our friendship.

Song of Solomon says, "“I am my beloved’s, and his desire is for me." This is absolutely critical to a good marriage. Allowing another person other than your spouse to fill the role of best friend and soulmate, such as it is, spells disaster. When God says that in marriage, two become one, we should never attempt to break off a part of that one and attach it to a separate entity.

(Yes, I knows, says the unmarried man. wink emoticon )

Your friends make a difference.

Your friends really do make a difference.  "Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm." (Pro 13:20)

I used to work 911 and was assigned the weekend shift to deal with the wild nights at the bars. It was very easy to witness the harm that people shared among themselves, from lasting sexual diseases to death. Some things don't change, but you can change who your friends are, and what habits you have. 

The nature of loneliness—ever felt it?

Ever felt lonely?  There's a reason for that being a part of our nature.  God said of mankind, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness." (Gen 1:26)  In John 14:11, Jesus said, "Believe Me that I am in the Father and the Father is in Me," showing a part of His image: unity. 

Part of God's image is that He has never been alone. He exists together as the Father, the Christ, and the Spirit. Being made in His image, being alone is difficult for us, and as Christians, we need to look for ways to be united with other Christians. We need to seek out other Christians to grow. When we embrace being joined with other Christians, we soothe loneliness and we show ourselves "diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit." (Eph 4:3)

Maintaining Strong Bonds: How to Stop Satan from Dividing and Conquering

Maintaining Bonds

Philippians 2:1-7

Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, 2 make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. 3 Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; 4 do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. 5 Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, 6 who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men.

BQ:  Would you kill your family members off one by one because of small differences? As a Christian family, we must never let the world drive us apart. We cannot let petty differences divide us. We must NEVER become embittered against a brother or sister in Christ, because,  “Every kingdom divided against itself is laid waste, and a divided household falls." (Mt 12:25)

Instead, at all times we must be "eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." (Eph 4:3)   Jesus said, "By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another." (John 13:35) Instead of looking for a reason to abandon your family, find a reason to cling to them. 

BQ:  Christians need to maintain relationships, because we're an army and a family.  Phil 2:1-2 says, "Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, 2 make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose."  How can you do that? How can you always be of the same mind or someone that perhaps you have little fondness for?

The easiest way is to realize that we all have the same commission from Jesus and the same purpose: to go and baptize people and teach them all that He commanded. That person you don't get along with because his sense of humor is weird? He is your battle buddy, and might save your skin one day. 

Apply this to romantic relationships, too. Realize that you MUST have the same mind and purpose, or you will never have complete joy, unity or spirit, encouragement of Christ, affection, compassion, or consolation of love.

BQ: Do you ever see a sister or brother in Christ and not feel like they're really someone you want to fellowship with? God says in Phil 2,  "if there is any fellowship of the Spirit...Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves."  That person that is a little rough around the edges, maybe, don't regard as not good enough yet, but rather as more important than yourself.  Do everything to serve them and help them grow. 

If you're married or going to be married, realize the same thing. You have to regard your spouse or future spouse as more important, and be willing to go the extra mile, serving them and showing sacrificial love. It's a lot easier when you both have the same focus and goal: serving Christ.  If that's true, you'll never feel conflict in being a servant, but rather joy in being a part of an effective team.

BQ: As Christians, we can't let Satan divide us. We MUST remain united. Often we take offense over the coarse actions of a brother or sister or spouse, but we need to take a step back and realize that stumbling does not mean that we have to fall. Philippians 2 says that if we want to be united in spirit, we must, "not merely look out for [our] own personal interests, but also for the interests of others."  
 

Did your spiritual family member hurt your feelings? Don't be bitter. Instead, talk to them and show them how you can look out for his or her interest. Do something kind. Show your love and grace not through mere words, but with actions. It'll reveal the character of Christ, which can do more than anything else to change a person. 

BQ: Philippians 2 tells us that, in order to remain united in spirit, romantically or not, we must, "have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus: who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped,  but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant.

Stick together with those who have the same goals as you. Empty yourself of selfishness and be willing to take on the attitude of a servant. It's one of the hardest things for us to do, and because of that, being a servant is one of the most memorable things, and the most inspiring to others. Lastly, don't think of servants as just those who clean up counters and do dishes. Soldiers serve their country, and are thus servants.  Be a solider in a great army, and never let anyone divide you to wreck your ability to serve God. 

Just one bad apple.

BQ: When we change our lives to more godly behavior, we often want to keep parts of our old lives around. What can be especially damaging is keeping bad influences, especially when we're not very strong ourselves. 

The Christians in Corinth ran into this problem and let some pretty scurrilous people remain a part of their lives, which led God to remind them that, "Don't you know that a little yeast works through the whole batch of dough?" (I Corinthians 5:6)  

When we change, we need to dedicate ourselves to having out with the old and in with the new. :)