BQ: Malachi 4 talks about restoring the hearts of children to their parents, and the parents to the children. Many people I know have a burr under their saddle from how their parents raised them. I'd like to examine the application of James 3:17-18 as it pertains to parenting in the coming days. Let's read it now:
"But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace."
For now, consider how many of these children have been raised. In this busy age, parents often don't have "heart-to-heart" talks with their children, so how could the hearts of the children be restored to the parents? In fact, parents only spend 3 minutes/day in focused conversation with each other, which leads to each parent taking different positions on issues involving the children—how can than be unwavering? Worst of all, Isaiah 1:18 says to come and reason together with the Lord, yet parents rarely are familiar with God's word—so how can parenting be reasonable?
If you have a treasure chest and put a little valuable treasure in it each day, you'll be able to pull treasure back out. But if you put garbage in, it's garbage back out. Focus on the heavenly places! :)
BQ: We're doing a little series on raising kiddos based off of James 3:17-18, and I'm blatantly pulling from Luke Wilson Targeting Truth's notes, because they are awesome. Check him out for some good, daily encouragement. He's an awesome man. Now back to James:
"But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace."
The Bible teaches us that the fruits of law are death! Instead of imposing law as in the old covenant, we need to have wisdom and work with our children heart-to-heart. Something that parents are bad about doing is comparing one of their children with another, which is setting them up for problems, as only God sets the standard, and who among us can determine what "normal" should be aside from that? We need to help each child become all they can be, as parents and as a congregation.
The set-up for this one is kind of long, so tomorrow we'll get into the first aspect of James, which about wisdom from above first being pure! Hang in there, it'll get more interesting. :)
BQ: We're examining James 3:17-18 and applying it to raising children. ""But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace."
Today we're focusing on having "pure" wisdom. It can be tempting to have a focus that isn't pure, that is muddled with the world's opinions, and to lose sight of God's plan. Part of using pure wisdom is focusing on the spiritual growth of the child. God gave us children and we get only a short time to live with them, so we must keep our focus purely on helping them grow spiritually—the rest will naturally flow from that.
As parents, it's important to realize that raising kids isn't about us. Some people want to live vicariously through their kids' lives, or to focus on being friends rather than parents, but we can't do those things. Don't let raising your kids be muddied by worldly desires, one's own ego, or a lack of focus. Keep it pure and help them be well-equipped for spiritual life.
BQ: "But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace." (James 3:17-18)
Today we're focusing on using "peaceable" wisdom when raising children. If parents are always fighting, what sort of environment does that create for children? Is it peaceful? Does it present a united front that encourages spiritual growth in children? Of course not. Instead, it is a type of dysfunction that is the height of Satan in the mix, with no clear direction for the young minds, and it often is associated with violent, painful divorces, which affect children for life.
I really like Romans 12:18 which says, "If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men." If it's possible, make it work. If not, continue to follow God's word, take your children out of an un-peaceful environment, and then refocus of the word of God and be overwhelming conquerors in an environment which is less tempest-tossed. And ask for help if you need it. There are many experienced sailors which have fought the raging storms and won! :)
BQ: Today we're focusing on using "gentle" wisdom when raising children (see Jms 3:17-18 on the characteristics of wisdom from above). My friend Luke Wilson said, "it takes true strength to act in a gentle manner." Right on, brutha! When raising our children, we do need to be firm, but too often parents become angry in a way that is in no manner gentle. We need to remember that kids also have souls and are people. They go through good days, bad days, and days when, though they may be failing, they need love and support and gentle correction to help them overcome.
Ephesians 4:2 would say that we should raise our children, "with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love." Sometimes it's hard to believe, but gentleness can go a long way. The Psalmist attests in Psa 18:35 that gentleness can make children great, saying, "You have given me the shield of your salvation, and your right hand supported me, and in your gentleness have made me great." Let's make our children great!
BQ: For wisdom to be Godly when raising children, it must be reasonable. (see Jms 3:17-18). Fathers, for example, are told not to provoke their children to anger (Eph 6:4), and Col 3:21 says the same, adding on that we must not do this, "lest they become discouraged."
One quick way to anger and discourage children is to have unreasonable expectations. Parents should honestly assess their children, not compare them unfairly to others, and set goals for them which they can achieve. Without that, children can become both resentful and rebellious.
In Isaiah 1:18, when talking to His children, God says, "Come and let us reason together," setting up a pattern where parents must use reason with children. In Philippians 4:5 we are told to let our, "reasonableness be known to everyone." When raising kids, make certain that they know that your instructions and assessments of them are based on reason. This will keep them from becoming angry and resentful, and as a big bonus, it will encourage them, helping them to achieve their goals even better.
BQ: For wisdom to be Godly when raising children, it must be merciful (see Jms 3:17-18). In Hebrews 10:26, we find that God has wrath for those who have tasted truth and decided to be willfully disobedient. When kids break things, are careless, etc., show them mercy, but save wrath for willful disobedience.
Another aspect of mercy is not holding past wrongs against your children. Hebrews 8:12 describes this wonderful aspect of God, and He says, "“For I will be merciful to their iniquities, And I will remember their sins no more.” When you've said that something has been dealt with and is in the past, don't bring it up again—it just makes your kids view you as being dishonest.
In dealing with us, His children, God is, "merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abundant in loving kindness and truth." Let's aim for that mark and to help our children become the best they can be!
BQ: For wisdom to be Godly when raising children, it must be unwavering (see Jms 3:17-18). This word also means, "without partiality," and "without variance."
When raising children, the parents should never be opposed to each other, but instead united, and they need to be winning through excellence of decisions every time. The boundaries they set need to be concrete, as do consequences for poor behavior. Furthermore, with multiple children, parents cannot show partiality to one over the other. Doing that leads to resentment.
This is how our Father in heaven is, as with Him, "there is no variation or shifting shadow," (Jms 1:17) and ultimately, "there is no partiality with God." (Romans 2:11) If you are unwavering, not only will your kids know that they're always getting a square deal, but they'll be able to trust you and grow on you as their firm, unshakable foundation, rooted deeply in God. People fear the unknown and perform poorly when uncertain, so being consistent will increase the performance of your children and also boost their confidence in their family and themselves.
BQ: For wisdom to be Godly when raising children, it must be without hypocricy (see Jms 3:17-18). As my friend Luke said, "can you guess who knows everything about you?" Yep, it's your children! Children can sense hypocrisy a mile away, too. If you're asking one thing from your child, you need to model that same behavior. If you swear and sleep around, your child is going to learn from you that those behaviors are "normal."
It's important to also note that just going to a building with a bunch of Christians once a week does make one a Christian, just like going to a mechanic's shop once a week doesn't make one a mechanic. We need to practice being like Christ all the time, because as Mt 23:28 points out, doing otherwise is a form of hypocrisy. "So you, too, outwardly appear righteous to men, but inwardly you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness." Being like that will make a parent ineffective at being a good spiritual leader.